Episode Summary:
In this flashback episode, Aimee shares some early integration experiences and discomforts as she begins to settle in her new hometown. The two discuss how community is appearing in their lives in their respective hellos and goodbyes and Aimee shares her experience of sitting in the discomfort of not knowing precisely how to expand her practice in Europe.
Where to find Aimee:
Where to find Rebecca:
Episode Summary:
In this flashback episode, Aimee shares some early integration experiences and discomforts as she begins to settle in her new hometown. The two discuss how community is appearing in their lives in their respective hellos and goodbyes and Aimee shares her experience of sitting in the discomfort of not knowing precisely how to expand her practice in Europe.
Where to find Aimee:
Where to find Rebecca:
Welcome to Bonjola, a podcast about two women, Amy and Rebecca, who each moved from the United States to Europe to become expats, Amy to Spain and Rebecca to France. We're here to share the highs, the lows, and the logistics of this adventure, encourage you to follow your own move abroad dreams, and remind you that you're not alone when the going gets tough. Enjoy.
Welcome back to Bonjhola. This is Aimee. Today is the day that Damien, Rebecca and Marie, the traveling cat are expected to be flying to Paris. We are so excited to greet them here on the European continent, whenever we're able to actually do that. But today we're releasing a flashback from August, 2023, just a couple days after my family moved into our more permanent housing in Spain. Rebecca. And I discussed the experience of community, and what it feels like to start over in a new culture. I can't wait to catch up with Rebecca and hear her experience on these very topics in the coming weeks. Thanks again for listening. Mhm.
Rececca:Hi, bonjolo, bonjola. What did we say? I can't remember. Look at you and your beautiful home.
Aimee:It's so, it's like the kitchen's an open kitchen and the kitchen and the living room are the same size as the Airbnb that we were. And before
Rececca:It's home, it's where you're going to, it's where you can start nesting. It's where you can start figuring out your daily
Aimee:habits. Yeah. Once we get the visa, then I can really like let my hair down.
Rececca:Well, where are we at on the visa and then we'll go back to the fun
Aimee:stuff. Yeah. So Shane submitted like the first two months of his, invoices and the paralegal was like, yeah, this looks totally fine. So. There's nothing indicating that there's going to be any problems come September when we are able to
Rececca:submit fully. I like that whole sentence because I was waiting for the but or the and and there's just nothing. It's just actually not yet. I'm
Aimee:still holding my breath a little
Rececca:bit. That's awesomeness. There's nothing to do. Nothing to do. There's just waiting as far as the
Aimee:visa is just waiting and setting up home. Yeah. because the family that left here moved to Australia. And, as part of the deal, right, is that we bought their household items. so kind of doing an inventory, what we're keeping, what's here that wasn't included that we want or don't want, you know, and stuff like that. What to replace, because it definitely feels like I'm living in an acquaintance house right now. Of course. Yeah, because we were here for, we came a couple times to take a look around and meet them and talk and stuff, so it still feels like, like their place.
Rececca:Yeah, like you almost are being kept having to be careful with somebody else's stuff or something.
Aimee:Um, not that so much as it's not home. Okay. Yeah.
Rececca:Do you have you identified anything I know it's very early but if you identified anything that. Makes it feel very much other or like it, like it belongs to somebody else, or is it just
Aimee:the, it's more, it's more finding things that were left behind. Right. Like their daughter's hair ties, these little, like, you know, you get out of the bath towel with the hoodie thing, um,
Rececca:personal
Aimee:items, really personal items. And, and then there are some of the things that, that she had purchased that I don't, I don't want nonstick T fall cookware, you know, these baskets from Ikea are not my style. Right. So, so there's a couple of things like that, but it's more like, okay, how do I how do I offload these back? Like, what's the best way to offload these. Right. Right. And, and they also have some stuff that they weren't able to pass along to others that will be like the intermediary for, which is, which is I'm totally fine with that. Cause it's like, oh, it's an opportunity to meet more people. Definitely. Yeah. And then on that vein, a mutual friend of ours reached out today and said, Hey, there's some people I know who've been gone for 2 months. They're coming home late tonight. Tomorrow, August 15th, is a huge holiday here, and so everything will be shut down. Everything. It's reportedly the quietest day, uh, in Girona. So, so she bought groceries for them that they're gonna pick up here. On the way back because all the grocery stores are going to be closed tomorrow.
Rececca:That's I don't know if that's incredibly generous of her or incredibly great for planning of the people coming back. So I don't know who sparked the idea. I,
Aimee:I, I don't know, but. I'm getting all of these lessons of community looking out for each other in a way that I've never, never seen at home on this scale. Right. Like,
Rececca:and other people that you're talking about all the expat community or is it also, it is okay.
Aimee:Yes. Yes. All of these instances, these are all expats. however, that said. Last week they left for Australia. On the 11th on Friday morning, and, they were getting things ready. We still needed some information. Like, where do we take the trash and the recycling? How do we use the key to open the elevator to get into the apartment? You know, things like that. And there were still some things we needed for utilities, and we found out that we couldn't actually get the water put in our name without the N. I. E.
Rececca:So like a number from the
Aimee:government, the I. D. number. Exactly. Exactly. And it's used here, probably the closest thing that we have in the States to an NIE in terms of how we use it would be like our driver's license, you know, you, you show that as a form of ID to pick up packages at UPS to, you know, but here they use the NIE for everything, like, I tried to order skincare items from someone I know in Germany, you And I can't do it because I don't have an NIE and they want that number for some. I don't know why.
Rececca:So the NIE is a SPAN is a Spanish number? Yes. It's your, they used for it's international
Aimee:purchase. Yeah, because I'm, because I'm receiving mail in Spain and so they need that. And the passport number didn't, didn't Martin. They won't accept that. So,
Rececca:and the NIE is a number that every Spanish citizen has as well.
Aimee:If I remember correctly, it stands for new metal in the identification extra Nehero. So for an ID number, got it. Okay. Yeah. I think that the Spanish citizen number has a different. Set of letters, and I don't know what it is because it's not relevant to me at this time.
Rececca:And what is the holiday that they're shutting everything
Aimee:down for. Uh, it's, it has to do with Mary, the Virgin Mary, and I think like in Mexico, August 15th is also a big deal on my dad's hometown. And I think it's, the Ascension of Mary, if I remember correctly. but don't hold me to that because I'm a very, very bad
Rececca:Catholic. All you know, is everything is shut down.
Aimee:Everything is shut down.
Rececca:Is it a church going day or is there a parade? Is
Aimee:there I don't think there's a parade or anything. I mean, a lot of folks will likely go to the beach, hang out with family, have picnics. Um, you know, it's a, it's a time to hang out with people and maybe go to church and ask Mary to bless
Rececca:you. Or something like that. Yeah, everything's going wonderfully.
Aimee:Everything's going well. Yeah, because we cannot get our water bill transferred to us because we don't have the NIE. Our landlord has just swooped in and she's like, I'm transferring all of the utilities to my name until you get your NIE and then we'll transfer them to you. So. And we didn't even ask her for that. She's just like, here, let's just waterlights everything. Let's just take care of this. And then it was like,
Rececca:wow, you have really landed into a good community. It's
Aimee:really blows my mind.
Rececca:Yeah. Yeah. Challenges that you've had. How's the, how's the emotional support stress level of everybody? Well, um,
Aimee:yeah, last week it was different. I've got this stimulation of like we moved in today and I've, there's stuff doing back and things to do. And so, I'm feeling, I'm feeling good today, but last week there was definitely a sense of, I think just the ungroundedness on the, This sort of the waiting was too, too much waiting, no direction to go, nothing to really do, but wait and, not knowing what to do with myself was starting to get to me.
Rececca:Interesting. I wonder if this is a common expat feeling, because, I mean, the thing that occurs to me is there is so much waiting and the waiting is all time. It's out of our control. So how do you like relax into it or try to take on this, like. European, whatever, laissez faire, joie de vivre, all these words that they have that we don't even have in English. We have to borrow from other languages. Like, what, what tools are you employing to slow yourself down enough that you're not going crazy when you're
Aimee:waiting? There is, I'm already slowed down. Like when there is, if I slowed down anymore, I'd have to like take sedatives. I mean,
Rececca:How are you handling it?
Aimee:I'm not, I mean, I just, I, you know, I spent, like, the previous 2 weeks I had, I've watched way too much Netflix., I mapped out some new running routes, right? I've looked around for clothing to kind of like expand my very limited wardrobe and I'm just not digging this season's fashion.
Rececca:It's just
Aimee:so
Rececca:boring. Are you finding, are you, like, are there thrift stores? Are we looking at boutiques? Is there a mall? No
Aimee:thrift stores. There is a mall I forgot there is a mall. It's a bus ride over to the town next door, but there is a mall. So that's maybe something to do., We did go, we did rent a car and go to the coast. That would have been the weekend before last, which was amazing. Just amazing. Like we're walking down towards the beach and there's just the spot with what looks like very short stone fences. But then the plaque is like, here's where we dug up these Roman ruins and, and they're just like sitting there and. Next to the sidewalk. and it's that stuff is everywhere here. It's everywhere. It's madness., And the beach was gorgeous. It's it was Costa Brava. And on the way back, there was a, a gardening store that I found on Google Maps. And so we stopped there and And that made my heart so happy. So I got some plants, for our
Rececca:place. I was going to say, yeah, you bought some plants before you even moved into this place, didn't you?
Aimee:Yes. I have priorities. And I've been harvesting plants, like taking cuttings of things, um, that I find around town or on runs. Like sunday I went for a run and, um, there was some passionflower that I've been eyeing. That's like just out of control and climbing up this tree. So I brought a pair of scissors with me on my run and cut some of the passionflower. I'm going to try and root it. And, see if I can have it on our terrace. Oh, that'd be so cool. Right?
Rececca:I'm still stuck on the whole, like, I don't want to, in my family, we call it the B word being bored is the B word. You're not even allowed to say the B word, but it's one of the things I'm most nervous about. Like I am, I am an American built to go at an American speed. I hear that. And I'm, I am nervous about this. Like we talk in America about like, Oh, I wish I had more hours in the day. I wish I had more time. And here you are sitting there with more time on your hands.
Aimee:No, not sure what to do with
Rececca:it. Yeah. And is that because you're not surrounded by your America? Like if you were home. Where would all that time, when I say home, your old home, where would all that time be going? What's the difference that you feel so far?
Aimee:Well, if I was at home, I wouldn't be socializing anymore because everyone is busy. You still can't socialize even when you have time,, because no one's around. Well, at least that was my experience in urban West coast. So. I mean, but I did have, you know, I converted the yard into a garden, right? And so I, that was something that I could do in my spare time. There was a running community. I was tapped into that worked well for me. And so that was a big chunk of my weekends, particularly if I was training for, you know, a half marathon. And, and then I also had a full kitchen where I could play around and do things and spices and I knew where to get things.
Rececca:So I mean, I've heard the three things you just mentioned, you already have little roots of in your new life. So you've got a small running community, you've bought a couple of plants and you have what's left over from the Australian family's kitchen. Yeah. So in theory, you're, you have the same. gardens to tend in quotes, one of those being almost real garden, but it's still not filling your time or your
Aimee:attention the same way. It isn't. No, it isn't. You know, a couple houseplants isn't nearly, The vast plethora of forest that I had accumulated before. Yeah. Finding ingredients, well, I mean, in the previous apartment, the kitchen wasn't fully stocked. And so you're just kind of like, all right, what can I make on a stove topper? And that's, that's essentially it. So now I'll have more options to me and the limitation that I'll be facing is sourcing, sourcing ingredients that are uncommon here, Asian ingredients. I don't think coconut aminos exists, but I can. Get it for an exorbitant price on Amazon, which I don't think I'll do. I'll figure a work around there. But, so, so that'll be, you know, that's kind of. Where, and then, and then things that I know I can access, but I don't know where discovering where those places are. Right. but, but the, I would say at least twice a month on expat Facebook groups, somebody asks the question, what do you do with your time? How do you integrate? someone had posted, I think last week, We're retiring in Spain next year, and it seems like people just sit around and drink all day. I'm worried about my husband, like, what do y'all do? And what do people say? Volunteering is a, volunteering, you know, is a big one. That was a strong recommendation. making friends with. With the community so that there's community activities that you can be a part of, um, find, you know, go to meet up and take a look and see what's happening in the area. Really, I think things that a lot of people would do when they move to a new place anyway, and they're trying to find community. It's just that there's more opportunity for community here. 1 of
Rececca:the things I'm thinking about is. The intersection between all of that and work. Um, when I, when I was doing my interviews of expats, I interviewed a person who was an expat partner coach. So her whole job is helping the partners of people who are moving for corporate reasons. Get settled. And so one of the things she talked about house was like, okay, the person who gets this fancy expat job, obviously they're plugged in. They've got a work environment. They've got things they're supposed to accomplish in meaning a lot of times the partner who's like, yeah, let's go do this. We're moving to, you know, Greece, this is amazing. And then they find themselves going, well, now what do I do with my time? And it's super interesting because like in some ways I'm guessing, and I want you to confirm this, I'm guessing your brain is always on. Thinking is my visa coming? Is my son going to be okay at school? Like, like your brain I'm guessing is on hyper biz busy, but your time has no structure to it because you don't know your place in your own little society in a, in a way.
Aimee:I think that would be fairly
Rececca:accurate. Yeah. It sounds like you need the time because your brain's so busy, but then you're like,
Aimee:right. Doesn't do good things with all of that.
Rececca:Interesting. And, and you're, you are building your business or rebuilding it to work as an expat. How much time or attention of yours does that take? Or do you feel like you're not yet actively building it because you still have too many other things to put in
Aimee:place? I've been thinking about thinking about doing that a lot. Yeah, that's one of the areas where I've been shitting on myself quite a bit. Um, you know, like you should create a marketing plan for starting in the fall and there's actually an English speaking business expo happening in September. And it's like, you should register for that. That is completely like, it's quite affordable. It would be a good way for you to. Like show up in the community. It comes with a free 20 minute talk and like, this is a fan. Yeah. Right. This is a fantastic opportunity. And, and there's just this voice in me and it's like, Nope, not yet. Maybe next year. I just, Nope, not yet. I think, um, I think I need, and some of that stems from the very fact that I don't know what the community needs here. Right. We're coming from the states where the nutrition situation is pretty much as low as it can go. That's sort of a consensus, you know, aside from starvation, that's, it's about as bad as it can get. So what is it, what are the needs of the community here? Right. Simply moving here elevates one's nutrition. So what do people struggle with here? What do expats struggle with here? I don't know yet. And so. So I'm like, well, what do I even talk about? Because what's, what is the chat? What's the challenge here?
Rececca:Well, and I like, and obviously you have your own reasons for not jumping on this September. Cause I mean, September as of this moment is a month and a half, half a month away in, in America, we jump on every opportunity, like a hungry werewolf, like. You know, to, to pass up an opportunity feels in my mind, very un American. It doesn't, it almost doesn't matter if you have to kill yourself to take advantage of the opportunity. It doesn't matter if the deadlines are unreasonable. It's an opportunity. And part of my motivation for moving, as you were just saying, your nutrition is automatically better by moving to Europe because the food nutrition is higher. And I'm hoping the same thing is going to happen with my time nutrition. But I, but I'm like, I don't know how I will adapt to that. Right. What I, what I like that I'm hearing from you is you're seeing an opportunity and saying, I'm not rushing towards that. I am not going to let that deadline set these deadlines for me. It's just a totally different
Aimee:response. Well, and I also don't want to show up in a way where I'm where it's obviously clear, I have no idea what the heck is going on
Rececca:doing. I mean, I know everything. Let me impose my solutions upon you.
Aimee:Let me impose my solutions and all my ideas about the imagined struggles that I think you might have based on my American experience. Right.
Rececca:It was one of my struggles watching Emily in Paris. I was like, this is a wonderful fairy tale, but you're telling me this 20 year old swooped in, didn't ask any questions about the actual problems they were having at the French office, and then miraculously had all of the right white savior
Aimee:solutions. And the French loved being told what 20 year old. Of course they did.
Rececca:Well, on behalf of all Americans, I would like to thank you for taking a different approach, Aimee. How about your family's nutrition? Are you feeling like you're, you're able to do with what your limited resources are so far, take care of it. It's a
Aimee:lot of salad right now. It's a lot of salad, but you know, it's also, it's also 90 to 95 degrees every day. So has it been,
Rececca:how is the temperature inside your apartment? How's the weather? How are you accommodating all that?
Aimee:We've got AC everywhere we've been. We've got AC. So yes, at home, at least it's great, but you step outside. And, um, the other day, the other day, well, yesterday, when I went out for my run, I woke up, I set an alarm for very, very early because it was going to be 95. And I wanted to get out early. didn't As soon as the sun came up because it was going to be the coolest part of the day, you know, frigid 68
Rececca:degrees. I was wondering how cool it got. Okay.
Aimee:So, but the humidity yesterday was in the 80s. And so it was just it was so humid and like I stepped outside and started running is like and I had this very visceral memory of running on running in Costa Rica, and the heat and the humidity there. And no matter how early you get out there, there's like, there's no, the sweat will not evaporate. You are just drenched. So, um, the humidity has been a
Rececca:little bit higher. And is it known for being a humid place? Is that just what the summers are like?
Aimee:Um, it isn't I wouldn't say it's known for being humid and the first like much of July the humidity was comparable to Seattle. So it wasn't dry it's it's definitely not a dry heat here, but it also isn't Florida. Right. And I don't know what's caused the shift in the humidity, particularly since the temperatures, you know, have remained fairly consistent, but the, the town itself is, is located where two rivers meet. So there's always like, there's always water and it will, which is great because it's so mean. I love it. It makes me so
Rececca:happy. Yeah. That lushness. It's part of my place, no matter where I'm at. And your son started
Aimee:school. He started summer, summer camp. Yep. And the first day he made a friend from Spain. And then the second day an American kid from Bend, Oregon showed up and, um, he, I think he's dropped his Spanish friend, like a hot potato because there's something that he doesn't have a language barrier with that he's, you know, super excited about. So those two have been hanging out and that family actually is here for the summer. They used to live here and now they're back in Bend. But they come back every summer. Oh, wonderful. Yeah. And so we've actually, we've been, you know, we take the bus together in the morning and back. And yesterday, um, my son and husband went with them to Barcelona. They took the train into Barcelona and went to the zoo and hung out in Barcelona while I like was moving things into this apartment and getting that process started. So I had the whole day to myself, which also was really, really nice because I didn't. You know, as much as, as much as my full brain doesn't really have actionable things to release, you know, the, the, the whirling in my brain, it also isn't being interrupted every two minutes or 30 seconds by family members, which one is in, was in and of itself, very restorative.
Rececca:Are you more the nester in your relationship? Like, are you the one who wants to set things up just so of the two of you? Yeah, I would say so. I am that person too, except for in the kitchen where my husband obviously has full, full domain. Yes. Well, what's the next milestone, aside from still waiting for the visa.
Aimee:The next milestone is submitting, submitting for the visa, um, in about two weeks and, and then working to make this house a home in as. You know, that, that there's, there's this inherent tension where I, there's a part of me that's like, well, you don't have the visa yet, so don't buy that 300 side table you've been eyeing for the last year and have been waiting to get over to Europe to buy and don't, you know, don't like spend a whole bunch of money on the little pieces that you see need to be filled because there is a small chance You're going to be in a situation where you have to like basically liquidate everything and get out,, which I don't like how that feels in my body to even say it out loud. And it's not a realistic. I don't think it's a realistic fear at this time. But,
Rececca:but I had done.
Aimee:Yeah, exactly. We've had enough surprises that I don't feel like I don't, I don't feel it's, it's. Yeah. Was to come into this process feeling like I've just built the Titanic and she's off for her maiden voyage and everything's going to be great.
Rececca:So you have some dark feelings on the inside too. Of course. Oh, well I'm glad things are going as well as they are.
Aimee:Yeah, yeah, it's it's really lovely to be in a place where all these tiny little miracles happen. Yeah. every week, right? Every week, there's just something that, um, really keeps us going.
Rececca:I guess in a town where they shut everything down for Mary's day, there should be lots of good miracles, right? That's true.
Aimee:That's a good point. Maybe you should go to church tomorrow and pretend to be a better Catholic
Rececca:and be like, thank you. I don't really get how this works, but thanks.
Mhm. We hope you enjoyed this episode of Bonjola. If you did, the best thing you can do is share it with another person brave enough to move abroad. See you next time!