Bonjhola

Ep 11 - T Minus 10 Days for Rebecca: Lessons from the Peace Corp and Emotional Eating

• Aimee Gallo • Episode 11

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In this episode, Rebecca reflects upon Peace Corp memories which have been coming up a lot as she wraps things up in the USA, giving her food for thought as she embarks to Paris. A nuanced discussion about the value of comfort food and emotional eating is had. 

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Where to find Rebecca: 

Welcome to Bonjola, a podcast about two women, Amy and Rebecca, who each moved from the United States to Europe to become expats, Amy to Spain and Rebecca to France. We're here to share the highs, the lows, and the logistics of this adventure, encourage you to follow your own move abroad dreams, and remind you that you're not alone when the going gets tough. Enjoy.

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Panjola, Rebecca,

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Bonjola, Amy.

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You are, like, legit in the final countdown. Like, I can count how many days until you leave with my hands.

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I know, and the next, I'm pretty sure the next time we record, I will be on another continent. Yeah, it's very real. There's one weekend left between now and when we spend weekends in France.

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I get to see you jet lagged. That'll be fun.

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Oh, I'm super hot when I'm jet lagged. I don't know about you.

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I'm a vulnerable hot mess.

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My husband does too. No, things are going really good, but yeah, we are down to the list and, and you're, and that, that anxiety that comes with is everything on the list. What am I forgetting? That's kind of a constant buzz in the back of my.

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the last minute shopping and grabbing things on Amazon overnight. Yes, I remember that. I remember

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And it's not all things that make sense. Like my face watch totally makes sense. Um, so yeah, I'm stocking up on that, but the suspenders that I decided I definitely need to buy probably wasn't an essential item, but on the other hand, I got all my costume stuff out. Like I am packing a full on, like, let's go dancing dress, you know. So, yeah, we've already found our first dancing night. I think it's like March 10th. There is this place in Paris, anybody who likes to get dressed up in costume and go dancing. There's a restaurant called La Coupole, C O U P O L E. Downstairs, there is this incredible, like, bar dance area and once a month, Madame Panam hosts this shindig with a live brass band. I mean, it's literally like traveling 20s. Live brass band. Every single person who shows up is wearing like 1920s inspired garb

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Oh my

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and there's dancing and there's cabaret acts or like all these different variety acts that there's cocktails and the one time we went, cause we've only been once, but I've been watching it on the internet obviously ever since. Um, they also have these beautiful 1920s cars outside for photos.

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What?

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Yeah. So we're packing our dance shoes. I'm packing the costume for both of us on purpose because I don't want not having the clothes to wear to be an obstacle. I'm already nervous enough to go anyway. So I don't want there to be any obstacles by not having what I need. Cause it's only like 10 days after we show up.

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Oh my gosh, that's awesome. If I, man, were, were, um, We're turning our passports into the Spanish government for renewal, so I won't be able to go. So, um, we're

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zone, right? Yeah. Yeah, you don't need any passports to cross any of the EU. Shouldn't be. Or should you? Well, now I don't even know the answer to that. Stay tuned, listeners. We'll find out.

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Oh my God, that would be amazing.

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I mean, it's an open border. But I literally have no idea.

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I'll, I'll ask my lawyer. What? If we could still travel without our passports and just our, like, our TAs, that would be

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Right? I don't know.

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Because it takes six to eight weeks to get them back. Um, and then the whole reason we're like, they don't expire till July, but the whole reason we're doing this is that my sister is getting married at the end of June. And like, there is no way in hell that I want to cut that close. I want to make sure I can get back home to be at my sister's wedding because that is a huge

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of course. And you would hate to know.

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Yeah. But I mean, you know, for some people it's a huge deal, but no, for, for my sister, it's a huge, like capital H, capital U, capital G, capital E, and then put that in bold type face. Big deal.

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And, and you have some control over it. I mean, that's the thing about this whole adventure is, We. If we, I don't know if we do our jobs well enough, everything will work, but you have to keep figuring out your job. What's due when? I mean, oh my goodness, the things I have been learning about investing and taxes. Oh Lord. Yeah. It adds, this expat stuff adds a whole layer of adulting that you didn't even, like you weren't even completely good at adulting in the first place. Let's level up. Yeah.

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And do it within an inefficient system.

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Yeah. And with deadlines in my case.

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Yeah,

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And it's, it's a lot of juggling, you know, so. Nine days left. I'm thinking about all of the loose ends, like we're going to have to turn in our cable box. Okay. Well, when do we do that? Like we close the door to this house because it's becoming a rental, hand somebody else, the keys get in an Uber and drive to the airport, you know, like, do we turn off our cable a few days early so we can turn, I, I don't know the answer to that yet, but I have to figure

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I think we put our cable box in storage because we were like, we don't have time for this shit. I think that's, I don't know. We'll have to ask Shane. I don't remember. I remember that problem. I remember that problem. Yes. I don't remember how we solved it. My thought is that we were just like, can't deal with it now. They don't demand it back immediately. Let's just throw it in storage.

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I think we'll probably end up turning off our cable a day or two early because we have a projector. And I have unlimited wireless now because of the travel plan. Again, this is another thing you have to figure out. Are you going to keep your us phone number? Are you going to have a travel plan? Because I work with my us clients. I've decided I'm sticking with Verizon. They have a travel plan. That's a hundred bucks a month. So I'm keeping my us number and my unlimited data, but unlimited data is not the same over there. There's a lot less speedy wifi, so it's not. Our American experience of that

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Yeah, it's like you get a certain amount at, you know, 5G and then it drops down to LTE and it's

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noticeable, very noticeable.

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you know, you know

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Yeah. So yeah. And like we, I've, you know, I've owned a home with my husband now for 20 years. So we had some special insurances for some family pieces of jewelry. Those were just writers on your homeowner's insurance. Well, I don't have homeowner's insurance anymore. So, okay, well, what can I do to cover these couple of pieces of jewelry? Turns out that since I grew up in the military, I've been a member of USAA insurance forever because I was, well, turns out if you ever want to do this stuff, that's a great insurance company to be with because they are so used to helping service members move abroad.

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Of

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I told them they were like, oh yeah, we got a plan. We got a solution for that solution for that solution for that. Like now I have renters insurance covering us in France. I've got my, joy policy and it was just so. So wasn't that nice

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That's awesome.

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trying to think if there's other little moments like that, uh, you know, Comcast insurance, I've been going to those last minute doctor's appointments because about my brain says, you know, fit in one more American doctor's appointment. Just in case, like, just in case of what I don't.

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Yeah, I, I mean, I had the same experience. I knew Spain was not a third world country without access to amenities, but I treated this transition as though you will never have access to amazon. com or anything that you need ever again. And the only thing, I mean, they're the only thing that has been true about that. That is in regards to canned oysters and coconut aminos, neither of which are possible to get in Spain without paying an arm and a leg to acquire it., but you know, everything else, they have furniture

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But you don't know what the thing's going to be, you know? So when I went back to the three months, um, for the ladies listening, if you ever get a yeast infection, boric acid powder is the most amazing naturopathic solution ever it's incredible. So unfortunately that happened to me while I was there for those three months and I could not find that boric acid powder anywhere. In France, and I tried everything I tried shipping it in from Germany, and I never got the package, like all kinds of stuff. So you like, yes, they have access to everything. Yes, it's a global economy. And there are very strange things that you want and cannot find.

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One of the things I did before I left was I went to the expat Facebook groups and I said, Americans, what are the things you miss? If you, what do you bring back when you go on travel? What do you

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What did they say?

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It was fascinating. Um, my takeaways were American drugs are the best. Like decongestants, you know, Sudafed. Like, mm, like the EU is, is paltry compared to American quality. Knock you out. Full power, strong drugs that probably will kill you earlier than you would otherwise. But!

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But they work in the moment.

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You will be able, they work in the moment, exactly. So, a lot of the over the counter stuff. And, uh, macaroni and cheese. Very, very important. And Tide pens. Tide pens. Multiple people were like, oh my god, Tide pens.

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It has every, anything's on the list though. It makes you wonder just a little bit about it. Like if Europe doesn't have tied pens. Why? Cause they are

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Exactly.

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sensitive about let's only, let's try to be a little bit healthier. Let's try to put healthier things in our bodies. So if they're not using something, it does make you

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Yeah, I don't think they're actually coming from the standpoint of let's try to be healthier. I think they come from the standpoint of prove it won't hurt us, whereas the U. S. comes from the standpoint of, well, if it hurts us, we'll find out about it in 15 or 20 years and then we'll take care of

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that's. Very interesting. It's sort of like the innocent till proven guilty versus guilty till proven innocent concept

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That's exactly what it is. That is exactly what it is. America favors industrial progress and capitalism over safety, and the EU is the flip of that. They, they, they prioritize safety over progress.

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There's pros and cons to both of those perspectives. It's not like one is right. And the other is wrong,

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Exactly. Yes, exactly. It's just, it's a different value set, right? So in the US you have to be a much more savvy consumer because the way that our FDA and USDA is set up, it is the onus of the pharmaceutical company, the supplement company, to prove that. Their product is okay. It is not the government ensuring it beforehand. And

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I don't know about you, but growing up, you see like the USDA label or the FDA label and my brain until recently was always like, Oh, that must mean it's safe. I definitely connected those dots. And I would say inappropriately.

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I concur it was an inappropriate connection to make. But, it's reasonable to assume that your authority figures are looking out for you. Our first experience as humans is that our authority figures are parents. Are feeding us and keeping us alive. Right. And I think, you know, to some degree as humans, we take that story and then apply it for the rest of our

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I think that's absolutely true.

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However, you know, I mean, you can manipulate the research, you can, you can massage whatever you want outta statistics to get them to say what you want to say. And so the. Research presented by industry is, um, is sometime, let's just say they're not necessarily a neutral party, right? And so they present this to the government and the government is like, yeah, it looks good. And then, you know, that's not even to discuss the, uh, the backroom shenanigans and stock options and little favors and things that are done that have completely corrupted our FDA And USDA, but this is not the podcast for that conversation. But boy, do I have an idea for my own. Mm

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it kind of takes me back to the mac and cheese because there is the literal benefit of having proper Sudafed, but there's also the placebo benefit, like all of these childhood. Uh, cereals that we frequently crave when we're expats. Like I just want my Lucky Charms or whatever it's going to be.

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Right.

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It's not like it's doing something good for our body. I think we can all agree that Lucky Charms isn't nourishing our body.

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Actually, I don't a hundred percent agree with that, but I'll, I'll get into that in a moment just to be a contrarian.

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I think we can agree that it is nourishing our mental health

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That's it. Yes.

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sometimes you just want your binky and that binky, the form of Lucky Charms or on brand Quaker instant oatmeal. You know, there are flavors. It's a texture thing. Damien made me healthy cream of wheat. The other day,

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And you were like, fuck you. Why am I

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I divorce was on the table. He has since learned cream of wheat is one thing. It is multi meal cream of wheat. It is fascinating. And, and you do, you need. I found when I was in Nicaragua, and I assume it's going to happen again, you need these security blankets because you're too raw and vulnerable. You cannot be in that condition 24 hours a day.

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You can be in that condition 24 hours a day without your binky, but it makes it a lot

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Okay, fine, adult in the room. I choose not to be. Then

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is that knowing you are going to be in a raw, vulnerable state with your mental and, and, and linguistic capacities maxed out, So, do yourself a favor and bring some comfort foods along. And I would make the argument that whether or not Lucky Charms is going to detract from your life expectancy or enhance your life expectancy, in these moments, if that food legitimately reduces your stress and provides comfort, the absence. of that additional stress and the downstream impacts of chronic stress will actually be beneficial. There is a time and a place for really crappy quality foods when they have that emotional, you know, when they have that emotional fulfillment. The important thing is not to make that the only option you have for emotional fulfillment because then you'll get in trouble.

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you will gain 30 pounds just like I did both in Nicaragua and in It is, you do not have to have access to much food to gain much weight. I mean, I literally gained 30 pounds off of quesadillas and that instant oatmeal, because I was able to access that there and I wasn't. Like, it's fine to have that comfort, but at the time I didn't have the tools that you're talking about right now to go, okay, comfort moments over now, what do I do about these feelings? And instead I just kept eating to the point where I didn't even have feelings. I was so physically uncomfortable that I didn't feel the sadness or the loneliness. All I felt was this horrible stomach ache. And it literally took me eating myself to the point of throwing up to go. This might not be healthy. Like, it took that and then it took,

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Because it was working though, it was effective. It got you out of the discomfort that you were feeling emotionally by creating a physical discomfort. And that is why, that is why people who, you know, who, who emotionally overeat, emotionally overeat.

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yeah, there's not like, we're not emotionally overeating cause it's fun.

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Yeah.

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Doing something for us and what it was doing for me was allowing me to stay in a place that I really shouldn't have been. But I felt like the Peace Corps is a mission from God. Like, right. It's like that level of Mother Teresa work and you. Can't leave is how I felt like I had a responsibility to see this through both to the organization that I had committed to as a volunteer and to myself to prove that I could do this really hard thing. And there's this. You know, I think this is an important thing again for expats to think about is at some point it stops being hard and it starts being unhealthy and you've got to work for that.

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Yeah.

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And I, until I threw up, didn't even make the connection about what was happening. And then I took a eight hour bus ride back to the Capitol to see the Peace Corps doctor. Her name was Anna. Anna, if you've ever listened to this, I'm still eternally grateful to you because she literally said to me. You know, you can go home and

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She gave you

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yes, and as soon as I heard that, that I didn't have to be mother Teresa, I was, I was in, or I was out. I should say, I'm like, am out of here. I have permission to take care of myself instead of staying beholden to this. idea that I'd gotten in my head about what I owed an organization or what I owed other people's ideas of what I could or couldn't accomplish. What's really interesting is I have been reflecting back on Nicaragua a lot. I'm not, not surprising,

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surprise me,

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but for 20 years, I have been focused on the failure of it.

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reminds

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recently have I realized how much success was in that experience. So number one, the fact that I did it number two, the fact that I was in a third world country living as the only little 20 year old white American bimbo in the mountains. Nicaragua for nine months. I made it through that. That is success. But the biggest success, my husband asked me the other day, what I would have done, what I would do differently if I were doing it again with the wisdom of the 46 year old. And I realized that the reason it didn't work for me is I didn't have purpose. I didn't have any reason for being there, which I won't go into the details of right now, but that is a failing on the Peace Corps side. They're sort of like good luck. And then it's just you. I didn't go in with questions. I felt like it was my job as the white savior, which happens in these tropes, to go in with answers. A white 20 year old blonde girl with answers. I didn't have answers for my own life, much less

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our conversation about that movie where, where the 20 year old American goes to Paris and fixes all of their, all of the problems

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Emily in Paris. Yes. And we're, and we're told these stories. So it's not like we're coming up with these ideas of what our quote job is on our own. But now with the wisdom of decades, I would go with questions. Hey, I'm a pair of willing hands. What can I do to help instead of going in with the answers? And that's where I think the biggest success now resides in Nicaragua. For me, it's going to a new, whether it's a networking event, you know, meeting new friends or going to a whole nother country. I'm trying to carry with me the idea that my job is to bring questions, not answers. And I think it's going to be a lot more successful with that mentality.

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Curiosity is a very powerful tool.

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is. And it's an endearing tool because everybody's excited to be the object of curiosity. Is there a, it's a huge compliment for somebody to be like, tell me about your life. Tell me about how you became what you became or what did you learn from your random time in the Peace Corps that I didn't learn, you know, like you don't know about people until you ask. You got to shut your trap.

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Right. Yeah, you don't learn about people until you ask. That is, um, like, that's just, bam. Mic drop. Take that one home, implement it. Start asking questions, folks. Whether or not you're in a different country, start asking questions and be curious about the people around you.

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Yes. You know what? That's a perfect place to end this because every day there is an adventure and there is something to learn. There is somebody to meet. You do not have to upend your life and move to another country to experience another culture. It's right next. Literally right next door.

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Yeah.

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Or you can move to France and Spain like we did. And on that note, I like that we're feeling happy and positive. I will see everybody from Paris the next time you hear my voice.

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Excellent. Until next time, hasta pronto.

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Au revoir!

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Bonjola. If you did, the best thing you can do is share it with another person brave enough to move abroad. See you next time!