Episode Desciption:
In this episode, Aimee and Rebecca reflect upon their initial expectations of how they would respond to expat life vs the reality once they've arrived and are integrating. Rebecca dons her therapist hat and Aimee gets some support on the chasm that lies between what she expected and what she's actually been able to accomplish.
Where to find Aimee:
Where to find Rebecca:
Episode Desciption:
In this episode, Aimee and Rebecca reflect upon their initial expectations of how they would respond to expat life vs the reality once they've arrived and are integrating. Rebecca dons her therapist hat and Aimee gets some support on the chasm that lies between what she expected and what she's actually been able to accomplish.
Where to find Aimee:
Where to find Rebecca:
Welcome to Bonjola, a podcast about two women, Aimee and Rebecca, who each moved from the United States to Europe to become expats, Aimee to Spain and Rebecca to France. We're here to share the highs, the lows, and the logistics of this adventure, encourage you to follow your own move abroad dreams, and remind you that you're not alone when the going gets tough. Enjoy.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Bonjola, Rebecca,
Track 1:Bonjola, Aimee.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:how are you doing?
Track 1:I'm doing pretty good. I'm feeling a little bit like in the fog because my husband and I have gone through a pretty big transition in our routine this last week. So I'm now getting up at 5 a. m. with him every single day, which feels very un European. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:To, I want to acknowledge your sacrifice and your deep commitment to your husband.
Track 1:Oh, you know, it's not, yes, isn't that nice of me, but honestly, I'm doing it for me because as an entrepreneur trying to work abroad, it's really easy for me to stay in my zoom bubble and never hear a word of French my whole week. So this is helping me get out of the house. Take a walk and be out in my community before I actually start my work day. So it's for me as much as it is for our marriage. Cause it also gives us some time to be together before he goes off to school.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:right. That's, I think that's perfect because it's actually what I was really wanting to talk to you about today because you are almost two months in Paris and last week we dropped a flashback episode where I had been two months in Spain and talked a little bit about that integration and who I am, who I was trying to show up as, you know, in Spain how you want to show up in Paris. And I was. You know, as I was listening to that conversation, I had a couple of aha moments of like, Whoa, Aimee, I kind of dropped the ball there.
Track 1:Got reminded of some of your goals.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Yep. You kinda got distracted and you're, uh, you're, you're settling here and, uh, you know, in, in all the ways that it means to settle. and then, gosh, Rebecca's about where I was when we recorded this. How is she doing? Because when we had connected in August, you were really. You were really sitting with this friction of, um, and to quote your words back to you, your workaholic, American driven personality.
Track 1:Yeah, I know. I left that in America. I didn't bring that with me at all.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Why am I not believing you? But you saw France as this opportunity to, Let some of that go. And there was, there was really a deep, there was a deep yearning in you to change that trajectory for yourself. you expressed some concern because it is, it is such a strong part of your personality and it's also how you cope with being uncomfortable. So, just want to circle back around and be like You're two months in. leave the co working space and engage in the world? Are you working till 11. 30 at night? Like, up?
Track 1:Okay, so I feel like this is going to be another one of those Rebecca gets therapy from Aimee sessions. Okay,
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:We'll be our most popular episodes.
Track 1:big picture. I'm actually really happy with what's happening with regards to my goals, my intentions and who I want to be. I would say that I almost have three angles on this. Number one, this process of becoming an expat has helped me actually appreciate some of those American workaholic aspects of my personality. And I, and I, and I value that. Like I was resisting who I am instead of just saying, this is who I am. And like, I, I just, I guess I was feeling like it was a negative. And there are unhealthy aspects to being a workaholic, but there's also a lot of benefit. I was just talking to the director of operations of the Paris court on blue. Cause I was sitting there having an espresso and we, we struck up a conversation and he was, I, he spent a lot of time working in Asia and I was asking him what he misses from Asia. And we were talking about ambition and goals and drive. And he feels.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Real quick, is this conversation happening in French or in English?
Track 1:This conversation is happening in English.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Okay, I was like, damn girl, who?
Track 1:No,
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:French?
Track 1:my French is developing. I had to take my cat to the vet this week. Um, and so I had to use real people French, but no, this business conversation was in English, but it was interesting listening to this man who is, he's French. She hadn't, he lived in Asia for 30 years
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Mm.
Track 1:he feels that the. All the things that make France French and the social system and the 35 hour workweek has, in fact, made this is his words. French people, relatively unambitious when it comes to work.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Mm
Track 1:I know that I am most fired up when I am in a room full of entrepreneurs or expats, people who are taking life by the horns and running. Right. And so I've come to appreciate that side of myself since we recorded that episode at the same time. So my husband started school last week. Finally. I'm very excited about that. And it's going wonderfully. It means that we are now getting up at 5 a. m. because he starts class at 7 30 and we had already started a routine of stretching in the morning and working out that we didn't want to lose. Um, and I'm so glad he's in school because now he has all this classwork and homework, meaning that I don't have to feel guilty for working into the wee hours of the evening. Which is, I don't know if that's terrible or not, but I am happy about it because I am in a building mode again. You know, 15 years ago, I started my interior design company. And when you start a company, you have to hustle. It's just a chapter. You have to do the things that are going to make the ends meet. While people are still finding out what you do. And while I've been coaching for five years, it was never my main gig. So I am in building mode again, and that's simply reality. And so I'm relieved to have that room. And at the same time, I do feel that we are living the lifestyle I was aspiring to, because we are working less. I have embraced Greg McKeown's book, Essentialism, which I'm always bringing up. And I'm trying, even though I'm still working, a lot. I'm working on fewer things, so I don't feel as stretched thin. And we're, I'm being very good about taking Sundays off. And because the Metro makes it so easy to get everywhere, we are doing the cultural things that I really wanted to do. We went to a Rothko exhibit, we've been dancing, And I've been reaching out. I met my first French interior designer this week, which took all of my bravery. Oh my gosh. She was way, she's like the most chic person I've ever met. I was so intimidated. So that's a long answer to your question.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:So, it's yes and yes.
Track 1:Yeah. It's all of it. Yeah.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:wonderful. I'm really happy to hear that.
Track 1:Me too. And I keep, I keep wondering if I'm in a honeymoon phase with Paris, because I've had plenty of little mini meltdowns, but they've all been work related. I'm like, these are the same meltdowns I would have had in Seattle, and I would much, if I'm gonna have them, I'd much rather have them here in Paris.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Right?
Track 1:know, I, I love it here. You know, I was so worried about leaving the natural pseudo natural environment of par of Seattle. The air is filled with birdsong here.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Mm hmm.
Track 1:knows that. Um, and my French designer friend, I can call her that now. She actually looked at me like I was a little crazy because she said that the birdsong they have now is so much less than what she grew up with.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Wow.
Track 1:brand new to Paris, I'm like, I cannot believe how much the air is filled with this. It's incredible.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Wow. How did you meet this, uh, this French woman?
Track 1:Well, because I have all this free time, LOL, uh, I went on Facebook and in fact, I think this was a big part of our conversation that may have been part of that flashback episode, but I went on Facebook to my, my American interior design group. And to all of my expat Facebook groups. And I literally wrote the same message on all of them. I said, this might be a stretch, but does anybody know any interior designers working in Paris? I didn't care if they were French or not. Um, I said, it'd be lovely to do a French language language exchange. If anybody wants to. Learn how to speak designer in English. Cause I need to learn how to speak designer in French, but mostly I was looking for insight into the design community and connections, like. Are there associations? Are there groups? So I just put that out there and I got lovely responses back. I've got three friend dates already set up. This first one was with this, just like I said, the most chic French person, born and raised in Paris. And you know what was wonderful about it? In addition to the fact that she invited me to, and I'm so nervous to go, she invited me to an, um, apparel, an app, uh, a dress. Like after dinner drinks event with French designers on April 25, but like two or three weeks from now, I'm so nervous, but I've already registered. So I, you know, I'm going, but the challenges that she faces. are exactly the same as the challenges we face in the American market.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Mm.
Track 1:marketing to your clients, having a website that converts dealing with inflation and a lack of properties that people can buy, which can stagnate our entire market. So it's, it's exactly the same, which is really comforting. Um, because I know that now I have It's a lot in common with all of these fancy French designers that I was so intimidated by. Um, but I, you know, my word of the year is brave and I just keep coming back to that every single time because the only way I'm going to have the life in Paris I want is if I put myself out there.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Right?
Track 1:Yeah. Now I want to turn it around to you because you said that you had some aspirational goals that maybe have gotten away from you. So what did you want and what are you finding you've got has gotten away?
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:One of the things that I really wanted to do when I came here was to be more extroverted and curious and engaging. Um, I was like that as a child, I was very, very open, would walk up to people, have conversations, you know, when I was a kid, um, and I wanted to not let the language barrier be an intimidation and I have let the language barrier be an intimidation.
Track 1:I'm surprised to hear that. Why? Why do you think that is?
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:I did not anticipate, I didn't anticipate feeling as, Old as I do. It's the only way that I can describe it. I don't have a lot of, I do not have the mental, I don't have the mental bandwidth that I expected I would have. And often find, I also don't have the physical energy and I don't Don't know if that is because the mental bandwidth is low.
Track 1:Sure.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:My brain has a really big impact in my, in my energy. Um, my ability to summon the will to go out and do the thing, you know, whether it's going out for my run or, or going to the grocery store. Um, you know, in that flashback episode, I was talking about how, you know, we would be traveling within Spain throughout the winter because it's so much cooler, you know, and that's the time to go into places in the South. We haven't done any of that. We haven't, we haven't done any of the traveling that we expected to do, especially given that travel is so easy here. it's. We have found it highly exhausting. That said, we took a trip to Montpelier a couple weeks ago via train. experience of just doing train to train travel much less exhausting than the train to metro, to airport, to taxi or metro. You know, to get your final destination. So eliminating air travel may be the key to allowing us to get around more often, but there's a lot of logistical challenges, which, you know, you know, about everything that you want to do takes extra effort and collectively, all of us often need our free time to recuperate, to just. Recover. Um, you know, my, my kid is finally in a place where he wants to do something on the weekends rather than just lay around and. Watch Netflix in his undies. Um, and right now my husband is working on three separate projects for three different companies. And so he's working a lot. His brain is stretched super thin and he is, you know, kind of teetering on, on burnout now. And so the bandwidth for a lot of things also isn't there for him. And when we were in Montpelier, he was working, he needed to work that weekend. So he didn't have a chance to explore as much as my son and I did. Um, I expected that I would be behaving more as you are, I would be seeking connection with others, that I would be Adopting the language more eagerly and readily and sufficiently. I'm not, I'm really kind of flummoxed at how poorly I'm doing in my Spanish class. And you know, that hasn't been happening. It's, it's definitely a very different experience. And I could, I could force it. But honestly, I don't think that's going to be the way through.
Track 1:It's interesting because you're talking about a couple of different things there. So one is the travel, which, you know, Damien started making noises about taking trips, like the second we landed. And I'm like, we're already doing an adventure. Like I would like to get settled in Boulogne Bien Corps and in this apartment and figure out where the vet is. And that was, there was so much adventure and quote travel in my everyday experience. So, I, I guess I'd, I'd kind of give you a pass on that, like, and you're, you're setting up your son in school. I mean, there's so much.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Yeah.
Track 1:the local connection, I do find really interesting. And are you, are you not finding opportunities? Are you, are you not like pre registering, which is the only way I get myself to go to anything is buy the tickets. So I have to go. What do you think that is?
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:When I arrived, I was very quickly integrated into the expat community where everything happens in English. So, you know, my Pilates class taught by a Catalan woman who's fluent in English. and my Spanish class does not have. Catalan or Spaniards in it. It's all Russian and Arab individuals. There aren't even Americans left. I think there might, there might be one left. All the other Americans have dropped out. Um, and I, I feel shy. I feel very shy and timid. And I, so I don't, I'm very fascinated by the Russians. I want to know all about them. I want to know all about their culture. I want to know about what the reality is versus what cold, cold war era propaganda taught me about Russia. Right. I know, I know there are, there's a lot I don't know. Right. Super fascinated by the Russians. I think too, a lot of the people in my Spanish class don't actually live in town. They live in some of the neighboring towns.
Track 1:Kind of like what you were talking about with your son being at the school that's a little bit away and the challenge of those friendships.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Precisely. Precisely. getting together isn't, um, it doesn't feel, it doesn't feel organic or natural. and, you know, I'm, we've established a cordial relationship with the baker and the butcher and, you know, the people that I do my everyday routines with, but that's not really a situation that lends itself to, let's grab a coffee. You know, thanks for the chicken liver. Let's get a coffee. Uh, I also do, I also do still have a lot of insecurity around. Focusing on Spanish and not Catalan when this is the most nationalist Catalan city in the country. This is, this town is where the separatist movement began, got a foothold, and took
Track 1:Hmm.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:The former mayor of Girona, You know, is, has been hiding out in Belgium for years because of the whole, because they voted to separate and the Spanish government was like, you can't do that. And everybody in the government was arrested except for those who fled.
Track 1:Wow.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Yeah. So it's, um, it's a, it's a fiercely Cotillon area and I have. Such respect for that. I think as Americans, it's very easy to root for those who crave independence
Track 1:Sure. Hmm. Hmm.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Uh, and, and so there's, there's always a little bit of timidness when I'm speaking with a local and I only know how to use my Spanish words, or I don't know if it's okay for me to do. Catalan Spanish equivalent of Spanglish where I'm dropping a little Catalan here and a little Spanish there in part because I don't have enough experience with Catalans to. To know, and, and the sense I get is it's very different, very different, by and large, most people have said, focus on your Spanish first, first, it's more useful, Catalan is complicated, you do not, I mean, the consensus across the board is do not take lessons in both at the same time, don't do that to yourself, you are not, you know, you're not a four year old, it's, it doesn't go well for people like us. And then there are those who are so Catalan they don't want you to speak Spanish to them. They're like, no, speak English to me or speak Catalan. I don't, or you talk to them in Spanish and they answer in Catalan. And, um, and then there are those who are like, Oh, whatever it doesn't, you know, it's, it is what it is. So that, that gives me a lot of, a lot of pause and a lot of timidness. And in that flashback episode, like, it was my hope for myself that I would overcome the timidness and and do it anyway and push push for the integration push for establishing myself in the community as someone who can be to everybody right of of. Just part of, part of the, the community here, I definitely don't, I feel like, I still feel to some degree as I did, when, back in August.
Track 1:So I'm, I'm, I'm actually surprised by all this because I do not think of you as a timid person, but of course I know you well. So when we do get to know people, we show different sides of ourself. When you think about, cause as I said, brave, it's my word, right? Like get myself out there. And I, When I think of my word brave, what I'm thinking, what I'm really saying to myself in more words is if they're going to judge me for trying, I don't want that person in my life anyway. And that's what kind of gets me past the, oh, they're going to judge me because I am sure they're going to judge me, whatever. I'm curious when you think about, like, is it the fact that Gerona is smaller and you're afraid to burn bridges? What do you feel like the consequence might be of? Offending people or whatever the result is gonna be.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:There may be, I'm not entirely clear on that. There may be a sense of, if I don't nail this, I lose my chance. That might be some of it. There's definitely perfectionism intertwined in there, and I know I Know at least as far as my expectations of myself for Spanish and language mastery I have a lot of very Unfortunate expectations that this should come easily to me because of all the reasons. Um, I, I was bilingual until I started school and I, as soon as I was, as soon as they offered Spanish classes in school, I picked it back up again and I took Spanish from middle school all the way through like the first year or two of college, but I didn't have any practice outside of class. I did well in those classes, always got A's, and. And I'm frickin half Mexican, so it's, it's in there, it should be working. There is this element of, I mean, the reason why I never practiced Spanish at home or in the environment, even when I worked in areas where there were people who spoke Spanish in the restaurant industry, is because when I was young, and whenever I spoke in Spanish, my father would laugh at me. And so I, I didn't ever try, there was just no, it was such a solid shutdown of like, you can't, you can't do this, right? This, and, and I don't even know that that's, my father has this ability to laugh at very inappropriate times. I think it's just his spontaneous response is to laugh most other humans would be consoling or horrified or any other kind of emotion other than laughter. And so what, you know, what his true experience was when he heard me speaking Spanish, I have no idea. But his external response was laughter, and I received it as, as mockery, um, which, you know, he wasn't beyond that, that could have been, or maybe he thought it was cute. I don't know, but I never felt comfortable at home. And then when I got out of college and wasn't practicing Spanish in school, I mean, I've never felt competent. never felt competent, but what really flummoxes me is that. I've always been such a damn good student. I've always been such a good student. I have not had problems with Spanish class before. I got a 4. 0 in my master's degree with a young preschooler at home while I was still working my practice. Like I'm a, Good student. So why am I like my, in my Spanish class right now, I am perhaps I might be a solid D student. Like I'm shit.
Track 1:Okay,
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:totally.
Track 1:so question here. So Calculus kicked my butt and I thought for the longest time I was bad at math. And in reflecting back, I'm like, I'm not bad at math. The guy who taught the class his English was his second language. He couldn't effectively teach me calculus because he couldn't teach me that language because he couldn't even speak my language effectively. Are you sure it's being taught well? Because we can only take so much of the responsibility of learning if it's not being effectively taught. You said all the other Americans have dropped out, and when you said dropped out, I noticed that phrasing.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Well, they're no longer in class, right? They stopped
Track 1:Yeah,
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:And, um, to start with there were a bit, that's not just an American thing. I mean, the class attrition rate has been at least 50%.
Track 1:says something.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:It says, I mean, the cost of the class is very cheap. It's not a high financial investment. The one American that I was in communication with, she left because she just got too busy.
Track 1:Okay,
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Too
Track 1:but
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:keep
Track 1:we all have our excuses. If this class was the shit, people wouldn't be dropping out at 50 percent attrition rate.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:I'm not convinced it's the class because the teacher is fantastic.
Track 1:Okay.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:He's, he's great. He is engaging. He gives us assignments where we're writing, assignments where we're reading. We do spoken, spoken practice in class. And actually this whole, this whole past month and until June, until our final exam, is essentially focused on preparing for the final exam. And unlike the bulk of, the bulk of Spain and your experience with France, he is laying out step by step. is what's going to happen. This is what the points are for the grading system. This is how many points you need to pass. This is how much this portion, portion covers the whole exam. You need a minimum of X in order to pass to the next level. really good at laying out what Can you hear that? We've got thunder
Track 1:Oh, I'm jealous.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Yeah, very exciting. Um, he's very clearly laying it out. have not this class as seriously as I took my master's degree and As seriously as I took of school. Um, some of that I believe is because my master's degree wiped me the F out. I mean, I, I ended up in the ER with pneumonia and didn't get to graduate with my class because recovering from 104 fever.
Track 1:So, do you feel like you're resisting being in school? Do you need something a little bit less structured?
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:No, because I'm, I'm, if. If my life is any less structured than it is now, nothing will get done. If anything, I need more structure. And I think if, you know, it's interesting because I'm at B1 level, uh, so intermediate, the first level of intermediate, and that class is two days a week for two hours. So four hours a week. B2 is four days a week for two hours. Quite a bit more. I feel if I were in class four days a week for two hours, I would be doing better than I am
Track 1:Mm hmm.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:And my goal is to like the way, I mean, I've had so many emotions about this bloody class, but I've come to this place where I'm like, here's the deal. If you managed to pass next September, when you start up again, you're rigor that will probably really allow you to get to where you want to be. in the timeline that you were expecting this year. If you fail, instead of having the reportedly poor teacher at B2 level, you get to take class with Paco again, who's fantastic. And you'll really ingrain these intermediate fundamentals if you have to repeat it
Track 1:True.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:So I'm like, wow, you know, if, if I'm, I'm going to be a failing student, the consolation prize isn't that bad of having to take the class again. I think too, because I'm not pushing myself beyond the fundamentals. I'm not taking my child to the
Track 1:Right.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:not interacting in new and different situations. I'm not being tested. I've figured out how to get what I want from the butcher. I have figured out how to do the ritual at the grocery store in both Catalan and Spanish. And so, I have settled, right? I have settled and, I, the, the fatigue and the, just the, at the end of the day, when my son comes home from school, he comes home from school about five 30 and then it's get dinner on the table, relax, bed, so. The activities of the evening are infrequent for me. I'm not inclined to RSVP in advance because a lot of the time I'm too exhausted and I don't feel up to going out and challenging my brain at that time of night. And, the, the intestinal fortitude required to overcome that has been lacking. So I've had thoughts because I'm also lacking and slacking in my commitment to myself to get into the gym and lift weights. So I'm actually looking at the idea of hiring a personal trainer to get that consistency. And that would also then expose me, right? Like, let me find somebody who doesn't know very good
Track 1:Mm hmm.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Let me find, and then let me make that commitment to have them kick my buttons, Castellano, and, um, that will likely help. So I, I'd like, I need to find ways to put myself out into the community more during the day when my son is in school, in a way that will have an immediate reward for me, so I am incentivized to actually make that commitment.
Track 1:Well, and that's what this designer group event is for me. Like, it's related to a long term goal, so it gets me past the challenge of doing something that I really don't want to do. You guys, I don't want to go to this thing. I don't even like networking in English, but it is related to my goal. So I'm curious going kind of high level here, thinking about our listeners and also thinking about your son, because some of what you're describing as a response to your parent, the parenting that was done to you. And now you are modeling parenting, of course, for your son. So, I mean, we can look at this from a lot of angles. The First of all, the fact that what we're doing is hard. Like I said, asking ourselves to do travel when we just landed is kind of absurd. So, but the, and, and, you know, there's almost a postpartum depression that can absolutely come with all the lead up and all the expectations and all the hopes that we had and all of that hand in hand with sometimes we've got to fight those demons and say, I've got to get out anyway. Okay. So thinking about your son, thinking about our listeners, thinking about what you wanted to commit to when we were in that flashback episode, what would you like to, to tell yourself today?
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Tell my past self or tell myself in the present,
Track 1:present self.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:tell my present self. I mean, I could just relax, right?
Track 1:It's an option.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:I could just fill the F out. Um, I know that, you know, I have a very good friend here and she frequently tells me that I'm being too hard on myself. I always laugh because compared to how I was in my twenties my adolescence. I'm so chill. lizard asleep in the sun. Chill.
Track 1:yeah, I grew up with a stick up my butt and I'm a super relaxed person compared to that version of me, but nobody would call me a relaxed person.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Right? Exactly. Exactly. So she's like, you gotta stop being so hard on yourself. And I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm like, I'm not even being hard on myself. You have no idea, girl. You just don't even know. And, and, you know, clearly one of the consequences of that is, is, uh, potentially failing Spanish class. Um, because I'm not being rigid about it, and I'm not, you know, I tell myself, do a little bit every day, and then I don't. Um, I'm definitely, I am definitely in an indulgent mode right now where if I don't feel like it, I'm not doing it. And this is where not having that structure is a serious problem There's nothing to force me I don't feel like practicing Spanish, I got an extra day. I can like, you know, I can rush and do my Spanish homework right before class. And that's not really the best way to integrate a language, especially when you're 20, 25 years older than you were the last time you were studying.
Track 1:It's why I'm weirdly grateful that Murray had a limp last week because it does force me to To go use real French, because it's hard, it is hard to get ourselves to do this. And I think that's one of the things I want listeners to hear is, if you're feeling this way, it's normal.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:It's so true. It's, it is normal. And at my, you know, my sister in law has, um, been in Germany for many years now. And she had talked about just, yeah, there are days when you, you don't, you don't leave the house. You don't want to leave the house. Everything is hard. And we absolutely experienced that all throughout winter. We're like, eh, how about if we don't? How about if we just stay home and cuddle on the
Track 1:I mean, maybe it's enough that you uprooted your entire family and moved to Spain. Maybe that's enough for one year's whole worth of goals.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Yes, and my Mexican relatives are not getting any younger. And a major reason for me doing this was so that I could have the conversations I have been waiting my whole life to have with them.
Track 1:Okay.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:And I'm still, I'm still not there.
Track 1:Can you have, can you Zoom with them to practice your Spanish?
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:No, these are like, I don't even know if they have internet connection where they
Track 1:Could you write them letters, which would allow you to very slowly develop your, your, you know, there's no pressure.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:That's an interesting idea. Yeah, I don't know. They live, like, so far. Like, the people that I'm thinking of specifically. You know what? I don't even know. I don't even know if they're literate, actually. know if my aunts are
Track 1:Yes.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:my
Track 1:But I'm sure if you sent them a letter, they could find a friend to read them the letter.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Yeah, you're right. You know, they have plenty of children who I think could, yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah. That's an interesting idea.
Track 1:And it doesn't have to be long. It could be a short postcard that just says, you know, I'm developing my Spanish and I can't wait to be able to talk to you. In Spanish, all my love, you know. I think that so often we set our goals too big. They're just too big of a bite.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Yeah.
Track 1:don't do it because it's just too big.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Yeah. I have realized too, I'm very, I am a very verbal and cerebral person and my ability to communicate and use words to appropriately convey my experience is so important to me. And that necessitates an understanding of Spanish that is, that is, that is that of a native speaker with a significant literary education behind them. That's not likely going to come to pass in my lifetime. Um,
Track 1:You're not that old, Aimee. You're talking like you're 87.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:it feels impossible.
Track 1:I get that. I understand that too, because I'm a very verbal person, and not being able to say what I want to in French is like tying an Italian's hands behind their back. They're just, they can't get words out anymore.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:That's a really good way of putting it.
Track 1:But the only way through, or the only way to the other side is through.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:it's true. It's true. I
Track 1:we're not going to fix it by talking in English, so we'd probably wrap it up today. But. Is there, is there a promise you'd like to make to yourself or something you'd like to encourage your, our listeners to do with knowing how heavy this can feel?
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:don't want to make any promises to myself. Um, because I don't, I'm not clear enough on what is a realistic and reasonable expectation of myself at this time. I mean, I'm going to do, I'm going to do what, what I feel is reasonable. No, you know, I can't even commit to that because I'm in such a place of indulgence. I can't even commit to doing what is reasonable to pass the class at this time, because I don't know if I'll actually follow through. So I will not beat the crap out of myself if I fail. I
Track 1:great promise.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:that I, that I feel confident about, uh, committing to not. Knowing what I'm doing, the effort I'm putting in, what I'm capable of doing. I can see that very clearly. And if I'm not willing to invest in what I know I'm capable of doing, then I don't get to beat myself up for not doing it.
Track 1:if you're going to the gym, but you're kind of wandering on the treadmill and then you're like, I don't know why I'm not getting ripped. You know?
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:I'm walking around looking at the machines being like,
Track 1:Yeah.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:I'll do that or
Track 1:But there's something to be said for showing up at the gym. That in and of itself is a habit. Showing up to class is a habit. That's a win in and of itself, even if it doesn't lead immediately to the results you want. So, I would tell our listeners, take the little wins. Don't just ignore the little wins because they're not the big wins. They count because this stuff is hard,
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Yeah, it is hard.
Track 1:you know?
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:And it's like having a, like having a newborn, you know it's going to be hard going into it. And then when you're in it, you're like, Yeah, this is hard. It's hard in ways I imagined and in ways I didn't.
Track 1:And I'd say it surprises you. Like all the things I thought were going to go wrong, none of them went wrong. And the things I'm finding hard have all surprised me. So we have to go in. You can't not have expectations. It's how we're built. But you want to go in going, these are probably going to be completely the wrong expectations. And won't it be fun to discover what I was wrong about?
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:I think we need to talk about that in our next episode.
Track 1:Well, dear listeners, stay tuned.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:Until then,
Track 1:la prochaine fois.
squadcaster-329e_1_04-09-2024_043811:hasta pronto.
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Bonjola. If you did, the best thing you can do is share it with another person brave enough to move abroad. See you next time!