Bonjhola

Ep 23 - Do You Tip In France, Or Not? Rebecca Dishes On The "American Tax" At French Restaurants

• Rebecca West & Aimee Delamore

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In this episode, Rebecca talks about the Big Question: "Do you tip in French restaurants, or not?!" 

Having spent more money than she planned to at the beautiful Parisian restaurant, Victoria (with its priceless view of the iconic Arc de Triomphe), Rebecca shares her take on cultural expectations and financial faux-pas while navigating exorbitant wine prices and interpreting cultural cues. If you've ever overspent in order to avoid social shame (or you want to avoid doing that!) this is the episode for you!

Where to find Aimee:

Where to find Rebecca:

Welcome to Bonjola, a podcast about two women, Aimee and Rebecca, who each moved from the United States to Europe to become expats, Aimee to Spain and Rebecca to France. We're here to share the highs, the lows, and the logistics of this adventure, encourage you to follow your own move abroad dreams, and remind you that you're not alone when the going gets tough. Enjoy.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Bonjoula, Rebecca,

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

Angela, Aimee,

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

tell me all about how the integration process is going for you. I mean, you're by and large done with the visa. So now it's Rebecca living in Paris

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

Yeah, it's, it's interesting. So I'm two months in and I do feel like I've crossed over a threshold. Like there's this, there's obviously the pre move flurry and worry, flurry and worry both. And then there's the post move flurry of, you know, just making sure that you're all set up and you've got your. Cat litter and your visas and everything. And now pretty much everything is done. So it's, it's weird. Cause you're sort of like trying to integrate into the culture, trying to run your business in my case. I have a lot of things that are sort of like in the back of my head, worries that I just keep shoving down. Like, what if I get sick? You know, those kinds of things. And I'm just like, well, I've just decided I won't get sick in France. So that's my solution, but I'm starting to have more of the cultural moments, right? Where you're trying to figure out where you fit and which assumptions, like even what assumptions you're making. And I guess I'll share a story. I'm a little bit reticent to share it because it has to do with money and money is such a personal vulnerable thing when we talk about it because people will make all kinds of judgments about how you spend your money, how much money you have. So I'm just going to put this out there, my little story and people can do it, do with it what they want. If anybody's been listening to any of the episodes, they know I love dressing up. I love going out. And so I look for as many opportunities to do that as I can. And I found this place, this restaurant. Should I name it? I'll probably name it. Okay, so there's this lovely restaurant called Victoria. It's right next to the Arc de Triomphe. And on Wednesdays, I found them on Instagram, and on Wednesdays they have Velvet Wednesdays. And there's a burlesque performer, and then there's a DJ, and there's music. But it's a very nice restaurant all the rest of the days of the week. So, it's combining these two worlds of gourmet and kind of Costume burlesque risque stuff. So I'm like, well, that sounds like Rebecca,

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

and nothing, nothing really says Rebecca more than super fancy burlesque cocktail

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

I'm in, and I knew it was going to be a spendy restaurant. Um, cause they had the dollar, the 4 signs on the Yelp reviews or whatever. But I looked at the menu and the entrees. A couple of things were very expensive. There's like that fancy Russian caviar or whatever you can get for like 600 euros per gram or whatever it was. And there was some fancy beef for an outrageous amount of money too. But most of the plates were like somewhere between 30 and 60 euros a plate. And then you get your sides separately. So that's, you know, another 10, 20 euros. You, it can add up,

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Yeah.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

I looked at the numbers and I was like, That's within our budget. We usually eat at the local Thai hole in the wall. So, you know, it's all a balance. So we get dressed up and we go. And I think I realized that I bit off more than I chew is expecting to chew, um, right at the door because there's a bouncer, Very fancy restaurants in Paris have bouncers at the door. And they're like, do you have a reservation? And I'm like, yes, I do. Right. So this bouncer lets us in. And then I knew I was really in trouble when they handed me, well, they sat us down after taking our coats and stuff and putting them in the cloak room and they seat us, and then they gave me a table for my purse, which is like. Now, the only other time I've gotten a table from my purse was at Guy Savoie, which is a very nice, I want to say three star Michelin restaurant here in Paris, that we took my mother in law to for her 65th birthday. That was a remarkably expensive night. But when you go to something like that, it's worth it. The food is also a show. It is a experience. And that experience included a table for my purse. Okay. So when, which was that, that was the first time I experienced like, I was like, this is, this is weird. Um, so when they brought the table from my purse at Victoria, I was like, Oh crap, what, what have I just gotten myself into? So then the waiter, very nice waiter offers us a wine list. Um, no, he gives us the cocktail list, but not the wine list. He says, something like, you know, if you want the wine list, let me know, which is kind of strange. Most restaurants just give me the

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Yeah.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

So we enjoy a bottle of wine. I said, I would like the wine list. So he brings it over. Well, the wine list, unlike the food list, was at an entirely different price point. They, there was a bottle on there for 70 Euro. There were a couple of bottles for a hundred, 125 Euro.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

But those were the lower

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

Oh yeah. I would say they, like those were there, But I would not say the wine list started at that price. The wine list started at about 400 and it went up to 3000 per bottle. Um, which by the way, just makes me choke on my grapes. I'm like, no, no wine, no wine is worth that much money. I'm sorry. I'm going to be firm

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Hi.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

that.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

I'm so, you know, this is like, what does it feel like to live in that world where you can just

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

Some people

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

be like,

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

money.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

I know, I know. And I, I have to say, I'm really curious, like, what is that like? I don't think I want to stay there. Um, I probably actually would be sick to my stomach. Oh, wow. No, that is a very judgmental thought right there. Huh. Speaking of money and judgments.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

Yeah, it's real. It's real.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Yeah. Yeah. Um, I was thinking I probably wouldn't want to, like, I would probably be sick to my stomach hanging out with people like that, but that is because all I know about that level of wealth is like Kardashian bullshit that That you get from the media, which is actually not real life.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

And it, and because of the industry that I work in interior design, I am adjacent to that world. Um, I chose very on purpose to not serve the luxury market because I don't like it. I don't like it because I actually grew up with my stepfather being a plastic surgeon in the eighties in Southern California. So I have been exposed to those people and yeah, having too much money corrupts most people. There are good people who are rich, but. Money does something weird to your brain when you have too much of it. This it's just true. Um, and the, I guess the nice thing for me is because I have been adjacent to it. And actually one of the students in Damien's program, um, is very wealthy. He was a founder of a big thing that everybody would know. I'm not going to drop names here. Cause that's his privacy. Very nice man, but you do see the results of, of this money. He can just drop it. You know, he's eaten at Gee's Savoy, that restaurant. And I just. I mentioned three or four times last week, but there's this also this, I don't know him very well, so I don't want to put this upon him, but in interacting with them, there feels like there's this emptiness, this lack of meaning, this lack of purpose and stereotypes. He's our age, you know, he's in his fifties and his girlfriends are in their twenties. It doesn't feel good and I try really hard not be judgy about it because I am not that person. But I was talking to Damien about it and I was like, I would not, I would not trade my fortune for his because it doesn't look happy. Would I like to sample some of his millions? Hell yes. And when Damien and I talk about that, it's interesting because the perspective of money is I would like to be able to invest. in hiring the professionals that would elevate my courses, that would market my courses the way I know that they deserve. And Damien's like, no, if you have that much money, you're not working anymore. You don't have to, there's no drive. So anyway, anyhow, so here I am. I'm sitting here with this wine list. And the first thing that happens to me is, A feeling of embarrassment, a feeling of being out of my league and it made me very upset because this is something that I think the luxury market does to those of us who are adjacent to it or not in it at all. They want you to feel excluded. Exclusivity is a big part of luxury. but when you're on the other side of that fence, you do feel like you want to prove that you're, you know, not the peon, you're not the peasant, right? So there I am. I'm sitting with this wine list battling with two voices in my head. One is you're not going to make me spend more than I want to on wine. The other is, I don't want to make my husband feel like we are cheap bastards. And so I order a bottle of wine. It's 150 euros, which is already more than I wanted to spend, but it's where I'm at.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

I think it's interesting. I think it's interesting that the server knew because he didn't give you the wine list. He said it was an

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

Yeah. I don't, I didn't get a weird vibe from, wait for it. I didn't get a weird vibe at that moment. It was, it almost felt like a courtesy, like, Hey, our wine list, super expensive. Maybe you don't want to bother with it. I am, And you have to remember too that we're dealing with French and English, so there's all this cultural stuff that can't be conveyed on top of all the money stuff. Okay. So I ordered a bottle of wine. The server goes, he gets his big eyes and he goes, I have to go get the sommelier. And the sommelier is of course the person who helps with wine. That's their job. This whole thing.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Yep.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

And I'm like, oh shit. So, he brings over the sommelier goes, and his, the server's English was pretty good. Sommelier's was questionable. And, uh, and they're doing everything in English because they just decided that's who we were and I'm like, fine. I'm not going to fight it. And he, I can't tell if they're, if they didn't have that wine available or if they refused to sell it to me or a combination because his words were, well, that wine wouldn't go with your food. I had not ordered my food. So I'm like, so you're telling me there's a bottle of wine on your menu that doesn't go with any of your food? Is that what you're saying? So whatever. So I say, my max budget is 200 euro. So I had to put some sort of limit on this. So he recommends a 450 euro bottle of wine. And at this point, I'm starting to get mad. But again, I don't want to be Like, you know, I don't want to be a Karen. I don't want to embarrass my husband. I don't want to be cheap. Like there's so much happening in my head all at the same time. So we go back and forth a few times and I end up, what did I end up buying? A 250 Euro bottle of wine. So I'm mad, whatever. Okay. So the wine comes, it's very drinkable, whatever. Wine is wine. Food comes, food was very good. The scallops. are amazing. If y'all go to Victoria or to the Saint Jacques, they were the best I have eaten ever in my life.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Oh my god, I love good scallops.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

The burlesque show was fantastic. The entertainment was super. The music was fantastic. I'm settling into it. I'm like, okay, fine. I bought an expensive bottle of wine, but you know what? I think I would come back here. So we get to the end of the evening and my husband forgets his glasses. He's of an age where that means He's dead in the water. He cannot read the machine to pay the bill. Now, I don't know what's going on because at this point, the music's gotten really loud, got kind of too loud by the end of the evening for us old people. And the waiter comes over to me and he hands me the machine and it's showing basically what tip do you want to give starting at 10%. Now, I'm a little bit tipsy from that stupid bottle of wine. I'm already still on edge about that interaction about money. And I'm being handed a machine that's asking me to tip and not giving me an option, not to tip in a culture where theoretically there is no tipping. And he says to me over this very loud music, unlike at some restaurants, the service isn't included in the bill. And I'm like, And I said to him, of course, it's not, this isn't a tipping culture. I'm trying so hard to advocate for myself in this moment, while balancing all of these other things, particularly not wanting to make my husband feel like I'm making a scene, which goes back to the whole thing of being female and wanting to not be taking people's space. Yes. And I just, and I was so, I got so flustered by it. I tried to push the button that said, like, annulay, but that actually meant to cancel the transaction, so now I'm extra flustered, and the music is still too loud, and so I sent him back to my husband, who I think just pushed a button, and we ended up tipping 50 euro, 10 percent, I think. And I, and I, and I was angry at this point, I felt so, I felt so many things I felt embarrassed. I felt cheap. I felt cheated. I felt scammed and I didn't, I couldn't pull apart what was truth and what was cultural misinterpretation. And I just wanted out of there and I never wanted to come back. And like, even though I can feel how I'm getting choked up about it, because. It did. I just, I was so uncomfortable. And it, and I was such a roller coaster, you know, wanting to go getting dressed up, being nervous, Oh, we're going to use our French, getting excited, getting there being like, Oh crap. And then the roller coaster of the wine. And then the, so the lows and then the highs of, Oh, this is lovely. And then the lows of the money confusion at the end. And by the time I left, I was just like, I never want to come back here again. Cause I just never want to feel this again.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Yeah.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

So has it spared spoiled Paris for me? Of course not. But. Afterwards, I did a lot of thinking about like, just trying to pull it apart. What, what was I feeling and why, what of that was my cultural misunderstanding? What's just my money story. What's their cultural misunderstanding of what we were trying to express. And I still don't have answers. I thought long and hard about whether I should write a review and I didn't. But I did go on Facebook to an expat group and I posted anonymously because again, we're dealing with money, a lot of money where people will judge you about how much you spent or didn't and how you treat the wait staff or don't. And it was a very validating, I got a lot of validating responses, which made me feel really good and kind of let me set the whole thing aside and go, it happened. And it's just money.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

What were, what was some of the feedback you got? Like I'm curious, what is the expat experience?

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

Yeah. It was, I would say there were two main conversations. One was, yeah, you totally got the American tax. They saw you coming and they got the money out of you. And then there was the other conversation of yes, we're paid a wage in France, which is very different from the United States where you might be paid four bucks an hour and you rely on those tips to literally pay your bills. But they also talked about how expensive it is to live in Paris and that tips are appreciated and, and then they talked about habits, like they don't tend to do it as a percent necessarily, it tends to be more like, Two, three, five Euro, but that A to fine dining established establishment like that. People would expect to pay maybe 50 Euro in tips. And so then of course I did a deep dive into like Googling tipping in Paris and, and the, the only answer I can come up with is no, we don't tip, but you should. And I'm like, this isn't helpful guys. I'm trying so hard to be culturally sensitive and there are. There is no clear guidance on this

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

No, of course not, because this is not, tipping is not a French thing. Tipping is an American import.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

it's going to get worse because the Olympics are here this year.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Oh, God. Yeah,

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

So yeah, it's a hot mess. And I have, I don't have any good advice for anybody coming and asking me if they should tip. I mean, you just feel like you're on the defensive and I would really rather just go to my Thai food hole in the wall down the street and not deal with it and I feel like. I'm robbing myself of experiences by saying that, but there's a limit to how much you want to put yourself through.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

there is. And I, I don't think that that experience is going to necessarily be every experience at a nice place in Paris that

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

No, because going back to Guy Savoy, we felt cherished. They knew we were out of our element, that this was a, you know, planned for experience that we had saved up for. And they made it every bit as special as I think they should for somebody that cannot afford to go to your restaurant on a regular basis. And I had the opposite experience and feeling at Victoria. Victoria. of we don't like almost we don't need your money. Why are you here? And I don't know. I don't know what their intent is. I don't know if that was poor training. I don't know if that was just the server and sommelier again. I don't know if it was just cultural misinterpretation. I do not want to throw Victoria under the bus, but this is the experience I had. But no, it does not have to be like that. And Geese of Waa felt amazing. So I am glad I had that first. Because it means that I'm not afraid of fine dining, but my guard is up now.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Yeah. Yeah. We also had a similar, you know, sort of the, Oh no, you're supposed to tip kind of thing in Barcelona shortly after. Oh, no, actually, that was last year when we were doing a trial month here in Spain. And, you know, the server was like, what do you, what do you mean? We tips are normal, you know, like, and, And Shane, like, I'm still so proud of him because he is not, he's not an

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

No, he's not confrontational. Oh,

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

But he was like, no, no, this is not, tipping is not mandatory in Spain, no, tipping is not common in Spain, no, you are just doing this because I'm American, no. And he refused. pissed off the waiter, but like, sorry, Betty, like, don't, and this was happening at the same guy, same time that some guy, was playing this, this game where he was like, Oh, I got these, you know, a street, a street peddler. Right. And he was like, he gave my son a bracelet and then he was trying to give me one and trying to give Shane one. And we're like, no, no, no, we don't need that. And then, you know, after he gives it to you, he asks for money for it. Right. One of those things. So these two, like. Gimme your money, you rich American, like whatever, you know, you, you tourist. Let me take your mind like these were both happening simultaneously out on the Rambla in Barcelona and It was yeah It was that feeling of defensiveness like you are looking at me like I'm an open wallet that you just can't wait To take your share from super do not appreciate it. Not cool And, you know, we, we got out of that situation without tipping and without giving the peddler, you know, gave him his bracelets back and, refused to take, give him any money, but that's. That's just part of any place that you go that is a heavy tourist area When you are an American and I don't know maybe Brits get it too I don't know but I mean in in the United States tipping is tipping is socially mandatory So and they know this And they, they take advantage of it because why wouldn't you, why wouldn't you want to get extra money for nothing when you can? And you know, maybe all they know about Americans is what they see in the TV and movies. And so they think that we have, you know, money falling out of our, the hemlines of our or whatever. Um, yeah. So I mean, I relate, I

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

And it's, it's that sense of obligation that makes it. And actually one of the things, one of the comments on that Facebook post that I really appreciated was somebody that I could tell was, It's aligned with us in terms of where they eat and you know, that where they splurge and stuff. And she goes, generally speaking, we do still tip if we get good service, it's just our habit. But if somebody asks us or demands us of a tip, she says, my husband will get very angry and we'll walk away. And I was like that, I like that because it

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Mm hmm.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

it wasn't the tipping that I was mad about. It was the, it was the wine moment. followed by the sense of obligation. But I do keep pausing because I keep reminding myself that the guy was speaking English, which is not his first language. So the one thing I keep doubting is what he intended to convey. And I cannot say with certainty that he, that he meant to convey that sense of obligation that literally could have been I also think that I am probably being very generous, and I think I should trust my instinct that I was being American Text, because that's what it

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

You were being American. were being American taxed. I don't think for him to preload the payment with the tip added that you can't deny, that's not a cultural misunderstanding.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

Yeah. Especially when I said, of course it's not included, you don't tip here, and then he pushed back. It just, no, I, I know. I just, I do try to be kind and I try to, I try so hard to think about things from other people's perspective. But maybe at some point we need to stop doing that and go, no, they do say no is a complete sentence.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

I heard that. I thought it only applied to men.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

So,

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

You can still be kind and that doesn't mean that, that doesn't mean that you give somebody who's trying to take advantage of you a pass. Those two are not,

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

I know that it was rubbing me extra because one of the things I was looking forward to in moving to Europe was that the price. is the price. Like, I'm the kind of person, I am happy to overpay for something. I would much rather overpay for something if you just tell me what the price is and I agree to it. I don't like negotiating. I don't want to go to Istanbul and talk about rug prices and haggle. That is not my happy place. So I thought I was gaining this particular thing of getting to come to a country where the price will be the price. And so it extra got under my skin because it was one of the things, it's sort of like you when you were facing your, your beggar, where you're like, no, this is why I came here. And so it makes you extra angry. Because you didn't want it. And I, and I will admit that part of me was that four year old toddler going, no, I don't want this experience, which just escalates it in your mind. And then makes you even more incapable of responding the way you might want to in the moment. And so I was also mad at myself because I couldn't be the person I wanted to be. And in a very calm, measured way, say. No, I would not like to buy your wine. And no, I'm not going to tip because that's, I would say I was even more angry at myself when I was leaving than I was at them because I didn't show up the way I wanted to.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

yeah, I mean, I'm, if I were you, I would give myself a pass because you were caught off guard. It was your first

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

Yes.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Now you are a little wiser and I suspect you will not let that happen

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

No. And I think that's actually what I would want to leave our listeners with today because we've had two moments like that in Paris where we've spent. a ridiculous amount more than we needed to. That was one. And the other is on this stupid diffuser in our house. Most expensive aromatherapy on the planet. Don't ask. We can talk about that another time. But you, if you're going to become an expat, if you're going to put yourself in an unfamiliar position of any kind, It's going to cost you in ways that it wouldn't cost somebody in the know. It's simply going to happen. So you have to be gentle with yourself. You cannot, I mean, I felt so dumb about that stupid diffuser, and I feel dumb about Victoria. How much are you going to beat yourself up about that? This is, there is an investment you have to make as you learn these lessons, and some of them cost time. A lot of them cost time. Some of them cost money, which you do have to be careful with because there is not an infinite pile in our bank accounts. But you, It

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

costs you your pride.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

certainly does. So just, I guess, know that going in, that it doesn't make you stupid. It simply is the reality if you're going to be brave enough to do the hard things and I would rather be brave enough and do the hard things and occasionally pay more than I was supposed to than be afraid of going. And I guess I'm actually hearing myself say that as we have this conversation and no, I am not going to let that experience keep me from doing the next thing. And that's a choice that I'm literally making right here, live on the air, because that's the choice I really get to make. What am I going to let make me afraid? And what am I going to feel the fear and do anyway? And I want to be the second person. So that's the choice I'll make.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

There we go. Beautiful. Before we wrap up and close out completely, I can't help but wonder what sort of mistakes we'll make together next week in the

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

We're going to, we're meeting up in Avignon. I know. Um, well, we're already facing it a little bit because, Now that we're constrained by Damien's school, we can only take vacations when everybody takes vacations. And we have to be home for deadlines. He has to be back in class. So we can't, for various logistical reasons, take the train, which would be significantly less money than renting a car. So here we are again, spending more money than we planned to. And we were like, Oh yeah, let's just take a four day trip to Avignon. But you know what? Life is for living and living costs money. And what are you going to do? Not have the experiences,

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

What we're learning with that is to plan in advance. Like just, You know, with, particularly with all the days off people get here, it's, I mean, it's, it's, it feels like every other week my kid is out of school, you know, for at least a handful of days. This week, he's out for three days, I guess because of Spanish Labor Day. near as I can tell from Google, May 1st is Labor Day, so the rest of the week,

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

but that sounds great. Planning ahead is hard when you don't even know what questions to ask. I'm finding out that May is a holiday rich month in France. I just went to a networking event and the folks said, yeah, we're going to host this every month, but not May because there's too many holidays. Like, how would I know that there's all kinds of holidays that show up on an American calendar when you download your Google calendar that nobody closes for them. So

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

That's because it's America.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

it's America, I know. So yes, I am a planner, but again, this is the price is you won't even know what questions to ask until you're two. That's that's the impression I'm getting.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Yeah, I do feel the first year, the first year is that you need a full calendar year to get an idea, not even to understand yet, but to get an idea of what the seasonal rhythms are in town, in the country that you live in, because it's going to be different town to town. and obviously different country to country. It, it reminds me a lot of, you know, when someone is, is looking to, you know, lose a significant amount of weight, um, and they think they can do it in three months. It was like, well, you may be able to do it in three months, but if you actually want it to last, you need to have that experience over the course of at least one year. Because summer holidays, and Christmas, and tax season, and, you know, depending upon your profession, you may have different struggles at different times of the year, and if you don't understand what that means, if you haven't yet lived through it, in this different way of living, you don't know what's coming or how to plan for it. And it's, you know, any big change that we do in our lives. it really does take, I mean, marriage is the same way after the first year, you get a sense of like, okay, this is the person I married. This is how we're going to kind of live together and operate as a family unit. And then, and then you, you know, you assess and you work on some kinks or, or you continue to celebrate, right. It's yeah, a lot of life can't be planned, especially when it's

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

And this is the thing I like about that is that life. Was never plannable. Like it's a total lie. We tell ourselves because, you know, I schedule out myself nine months in advance, especially cause I do public speaking as part of my career. So, you know, gigs are frequently six, nine months in advance.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Yeah.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

It's a beautiful lie that we tell ourselves that we think we could plan for our lives ahead. And as you say, any big change in our experience here, it's the picking yourself up and moving to another country. It just really pulls back the curtain on the truth of what life is. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow, much less than nine months from now. And so You still want to plan ahead. You still have to plan for your stupid retirement because nobody else is going to pay for it. But you also have to live the day you're in and being an expat helps you remember to do that in a way that you can comfortably avoid in your regular day to day life before you rip this bandaid off and go, Oh, yeah, there's reality smacking me in the face every day.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

At least the first year we can say

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

Yeah, we'll have to see what year two brings. I'm only two months in. Give me ten more months and then I'll be wise. Super wise. Well,

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

All right. Any last bits of wisdom? If you were to coalesce some wisdom, wrap it in a bow and present it to our listeners.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

I don't know if this is good advice or not, but I would say if you're, if you have the means, save your money before you leave because this journey is more expensive than you can plan for. You know, you have your little spreadsheet and you think you know what life's gonna cost you, but it's not. There's, there's unexpected twists and turns and the more you can be financially prepared for them, the easier your journey will be because you know, you can't, you can't vet things here the way you can at home. When there's an emergency, you're going to have to just do what you can do to get through it. Frequently throw money at the problem. So yeah, get as financially secure as you can. Don't let that stop you from taking the adventures. but the more cushion you can have, the easier the entry will be.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like we probably can't say that frequently enough.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

Yeah. And maybe it only applies to us 40 and 50 year olds. Maybe if you're 20, you know, whatever,

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Yeah. You're 22 with a backpack and a hostel, like, you're good. You're good.

squadcaster-2eab_2_04-30-2024_142032

Well, until the next time, everybody, au revoir.

aimee_2_04-30-2024_052032

Hasta luego.

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Bonjola. If you did, the best thing you can do is share it with another person brave enough to move abroad. See you next time!