Bonjhola

Ep 28 - FLASHBACK EPISODE: Navigating Friendships and Family Ties While Living Abroad

• Rebecca West

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Welcome back to Von Jola friends. And this episode, I share my initial thoughts about returning back to the United States with family for the summer of 2024. And that opens up the door to this conversation that Rebecca and I have about our friendships and connections that we have back state side. And this peculiar survivor's guilt that we both share, but in different flavors, enjoy the episode. Welcome to Bonjola, a podcast about two women, Aimee and Rebecca, who each moved from the United States to Europe to become expats, Aimee to Spain and Rebecca to France. We're here to share the highs, the lows, and the logistics of this adventure, encourage you to follow your own move abroad dreams, and remind you that you're not alone when the going gets tough. Enjoy. You

Track 1:

Bonjola, wait, Bonjola, Aimee.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

BonjolAimeeAimee. Oh, I mean, Bonjola,

Track 1:

I don't even know who I am anymore.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

I am not going to edit that out. That's too good.

Track 1:

Okay, AimeeAimee, you're about to leave Spain for the second time and go back to the United States, not immediately, it's a few months away, but this time's a bit different from the last time because you've got some stuff going on with your passports or your visas or what's going on.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

So we're actually about to relinquish our passports. We are going to be,, leaving our passports behind in Barcelona, at the end of this week with the consulate to get them renewed. And returned to us. The process now takes, four to six weeks is what I'm being told. And we have a wedding in late June in the states that we're going to. Possibly two, because I also have a cousin getting married in Mexico in July. But that seems Aggressive. To try to attend two weddings in two different countries on the same continent in a four to six week trip back home, but we'll see what

Track 1:

do crazy things. Okay. But like, let's back up for a second. So, okay. So it's mid March right now. The wedding is in June,

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Correct. It's in late

Track 1:

Okay. So that's March, April, May, June. You've got three months to get this sorted. Now, you've only been in Spain for seven or eight months and you're already having to renew the visas. Is that right?

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

No, it's not the visa renewal. It's our passports. So our passports expire

Track 1:

Your U. S. passport. I

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

expire this year. Yeah. they expire this summer, they expire in July, so we wanted to make sure that there was no issue with any kind of expired passport thing happening this summer, but instead to give us, like, let's get on this early, get, make sure that we have enough time to get the passports back in time with a, you know, multiple year, I don't remember now, five, five years,

Track 1:

think that's

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

like that until they expire, Is it 10 still? Yeah. Until they expire again. So that we, yeah, 10 years., So that it's just a non issue.

Track 1:

So that's really interesting, because Damien and I actually expired around the same time. Um, and we chose to, that was one of the first things we did. So, did, did you know that they would be expiring around now, and you guys just chose to punt the ball down the road? Or did you not, was that one of the things you were just like, Oh, yeah, that's, that's gonna be happening, and I didn't realize it till now.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

No, we knew before we arrived in Spain the first time, but with all of the other logistics that we were trying to juggle within that six month timeframe. And also there was a wedding in Mexico that we needed to go to before, before we left like about six weeks. Well, no, about a month before we left. So it was just not. There was no reason for us to do it more than a year before they would expire. Um, and we knew that we could get here and it would be okay. So we just, just

Track 1:

Got it. Okay. So here we are. We know we need to do that. My first question would have been, do you have to go back to the United States to renew your passport?

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Thankfully, no, you just have to give it to the U. S. consulate. in either Madrid or Barcelona, depending, you know, which is closer to you. you can mail it to them or you can go to the consulate and give it to them in

Track 1:

I wouldn't mail it.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

I, yeah, we, yeah, we thought we had to do that at first. because we have a child under the age of 18, when it comes to renewing, a minor's passport, you have to make an appointment with the consulate Both parents have to show up in person along with the child to renew the passport in person. So, because we had to show up at the consul, consulate to get our son's passport renewed in person, we figured, well, let's just give them ours at the same time. Um, and then we can get it all taken care of at the

Track 1:

Okay. So to clarify, you as adults could have mailed yours back, but the child one must be done in person with both parents. I mean, that makes sense. There's all the, you know, there's parents that get divorced and try and kidnap their own children and stuff. Yeah, I get that. Okay.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Yeah, so, so yeah, so we will be in Europe with, without our passports for a couple of months, it is, and I will be asking the consulate directly or whoever I'm, you know, there with, if, if we can travel within the EU with just our Spanish IDs, because, I mean, to, it is, it does appear to be the case that you can do that, yeah. And, you know, everyone I've talked to also, which has been, you know, foreigners are like, Oh yeah, but I always bring my passport because I'm not going to mess around with that. So, I'll get it straight from the horse's mouth when, when we're down there and then, and then that will govern, you know, that'll determine like where I end up, if I end up doing a half marathon the next couple of months, where I'll be doing it, we'll be doing it here or, or, Ireland or Germany or Italy or goodness,

Track 1:

So many, countries to choose from.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

I know, so many countries to choose from, it's kind of amazing.

Track 1:

I want to have a question. So we have our passports and inside of our passports is basically a big sticker that is our visa.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Oh,

Track 1:

don't have that. It sounds like. Got

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

no, we don't. We have ID cards with our, we have a foreigner ID cards with our photo and it says what country we're from, what our Spanish ID number is, expiration date, et cetera. So

Track 1:

I think there might be a. there might be a card that we end up getting, I don't remember if it's related to the health insurance or the, or the visa, but there's a carte de sojour or something like that. But my understanding is it can take a whole year to get that. So it might be that there's a very similar process in France, but that it's much, much slower. And so you just rely on that sticker visa within your passport that whole time. So yeah, because if we gave away our passport, we would have no proof that we belong here at all.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Yeah, I wonder what they do in that

Track 1:

I hope I don't find out. Okay, so that's why you're giving up your passports. You're going to head back to the States. This will be your second time doing it. How are you feeling about this visit versus the first visit?

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

The first visit, I was looking forward to going back because there were so many loose ends I wanted to tie up. And there are loose ends to be tied up this round as well, but I'm not looking forward to them. I'm really, I'm really excited to see my sister get married. I'm really, really excited for that. And I'm excited about me going to the States and my family being all in one place at one time. So that I don't feel even more pressure to go everywhere in the country to see all the people, you know, like I did last time when I was there, when I was there in November, it was it was, it was Seattle, Texas, Arkansas in three weeks. And, um, yeah, which was, I got sick surprise, surprise, and this time. I mean, it very, I don't want it, I don't want it to be this way. I don't know how to work around this, but, there's family in Colorado. There's family in Alaska. And there's you know, there's my sister's wedding on the West, in the West Coast. So, and there's stuff I have to do in Alaska, some of the loose ends. So for sure, I will be doing Alaska in addition to Seattle and Oregon. Um, we may throw a Colorado trip in there. Which feels exhausting and there is a wedding in Mexico as well, which we've been invited to, which I would love to be able to go to Mexico and see how, how well. I've, how much I've learned, you know, since we've been here, how much better I can communicate with family.

Track 1:

Oh, from the Spanish language learning?

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

yeah, from the language learning and then, and, and give my son an opportunity to to more deeply connect with that side of the family, especially now that he's gained some Spanish and he's able to have conversations in Spanish. So I would really like to be able to go to that wedding too, but it's, it's a lot. Flights are cheap here in Europe. They are not cheap in the States.

Track 1:

hmm.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

And so then we're looking at all of that money in air travel and lodging and the exhaustion of just being on the go, go, go, go, go. So, you know, aside from, aside from, a probably a jaunt up to Alaska and the wedding, nothing is. Set in stone. Well, I do have a hike at the end of the very end of June after the wedding in Seattle hiking with some friends some co workers, which I'm so excited about And then the rest is kind of up in the air So I've been noodling over that my husband does not want to go back to the States at all He's like, I really want to go to your sister's wedding But I have absolutely zero desire to be back in that country for anything so I know Like, he's not, he would just rather not.

Track 1:

And that's actually a difference because the first trip when you went back was just you and now the whole family's going back together.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Yeah, now the whole family is going back together. Yeah. I know my son is excited to see his old friends from Seattle, and to see his cousins. So yeah, it's, there's, we don't know yet exactly how this summer is going to look, but I definitely want to be back here by the end of July. I don't, I think two months stateside would just. Be devastating is the only word I can think of, it's so horrible.

Track 1:

Well, it means that you're happier where you are and that's wonderful.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

That's true. That is

Track 1:

What it brings up for me is One of the things, you know, I only have 10 days here, but I've had a lot of feelings and I would say guilt is one of the primary feelings. I, I've posted a few times on Instagram about our adventures. Um, I'm in close contact with my mom and I've talked to my dad a couple of times, but in general, I haven't been in contact with. my friends in the States. And I would say the primary feeling I have is guilt because I'm so consumed with what I'm doing that it's not like I even, I'm not even aware of missing them yet.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Mm,

Track 1:

And I feel a lot of guilt for that and curious how you have navigated the relationships that you've left behind. Have you found that you have regular conversations with certain people or has it just been kind of a Like, I just cut the ties and I'm just starting this new life. What is it for you?

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

But the people that I had real life relationships with, the people who, We're mutually invested in getting together in real life when I was there in the States. Uh, we have by and large main, by and large maintained that, through there's there's one friend in particular who now I have monthly zoom calls with, which I love. I love it so much because actually, and this, this happened the last time we left the States as well. And even when I spent a couple of years in California, when you leave Seattle. People like you more and they invest in you more than when you live there. When you live there, you never hear from them. As soon as you leave, they're like all up in your business wanting to hang out with you, staying connected. And so, you know, since that's how it works. I'm closer and more connected to several people than I was when I left. Now, that's not true for my work colleagues as much, we still do connect, but not as much as when I was part of the team, right, and in the clinic with them, but we still do stay, we still do stay connected, and then I have a couple of other folks. You know, you were one of them, right, where we just had regular, we have these regular conversations. We scheduled them. We prioritize them. And so we've like our friendship hasn't missed a beat since I've been gone. If anything, it's been more connected. So, and there's another friend for whom that holds true as well.

Track 1:

So, one of the things, because I've spent years thinking about friendship because I, I struggle with myself as a friend. It's just one of my own personal journey things. But I've come to realize, for me at least, friendship is built on sharing day to day experiences. It's in that shared story that I find friendship. So, when we don't have regular interaction. With the exception of a few friends where it just feels like you could pick up after 20 years and not have missed a beat. Those are very unique friendships. But in general, if I'm not having reg very regular interaction, not just like, Hey, how are you doing? I'm fine. But like, yeah, today I broke my toe at the grocery store. Like that's the, the, the sharing

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Mundane.

Track 1:

that's required. Yeah.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Yeah. I'm, I'm the same way. I'm the same way. I want to know what's going on in your day to day life. How are the kids? What did you make for dinner? Where have you gone recently? Right? And, and for, for people whom I did not have that regular connection with in the States, And they just wanted to be Facebook friends, or that was where our friendship lay, you know, for whatever reason. Nothing's

Track 1:

Right. You might as well be in Seattle.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Exactly. Exactly. No, it's, I mean, there's no skin off my back. Nothing's changed. Um, the only guilt I had with leaving was this form of survivor's guilt that I got out and there are so many people who want to and can't.

Track 1:

Interesting.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Um, yeah, yeah,, because like, you know, we still perpetually are in this immense, gratitude, like we've won the lottery because our lives and our lifestyles have allowed us. to make this happen. Had I married somebody else? Had I chosen a different profession? Had it not been 2023 where I could take my practice exclusively online, right? This wouldn't be our reality. if if Shane, you know, had an established career that required meeting people face to face, we couldn't have made this happen. And um, I'm just so lucky. I still feel so, so lucky. And so I did have some, a little bit of, I liken it to survivor's guilt. It feels like survivor's guilt that I have escaped something, that I have escaped something. And not everybody will be able to. I've escaped having to sit in the 2024 election cycle with everybody losing their mind. Um, I don't, I don't have to be proxy to that. I was never a participant, but you can't be where we lived and not be perpetually splashed by the waves of drama that everybody is spewing everywhere.

Track 1:

So we're both feeling a bit of guilt, but for very different reasons.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Yeah.

Track 1:

It's funny, as you were talking, I was realizing when I said that that friendship is really based in those day to day engagements. One of the challenges I'm having with this is the last 12 days have been like a tsunami of experiences. Like, how am I supposed to cope? Even begin telling people what I've experienced. And, you know, like you get those like Christmas letters from people where they're like, here's our year in review, very impersonal and a little braggy. Like, what are you even supposed to put in those? So I don't want to do that because. It's not personal. That's not friendship based, but I don't have the, I don't want to say I don't have the time, but I don't have the mental bandwidth to go and have a conversation with every person that I do actually care about because it would take me an hour. For every phone call and I don't have that time and so I, I want to stay connected and I don't know how, I don't have the tools to do it in the way that feels right and authentic to me and I'm guessing this is between survivor's guilt and friendship guilt, something that expats simply experience. I don't know.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

I, you know what? That's, that's why I started my my sub

Track 1:

Hmm. Right.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

was to write down those experiences, but not send bulk emails to a bunch of people, but not have it. So only folks who were on Facebook, 30 percent of them might see it if I'm

Track 1:

There's the algorithm.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Right, right. So, so that's why I started a sub stack to just kind of record my experiences and then invite people in and then they, you know, they can comment and stuff too. I have, um, I have a couple people that, you know, I got their email addresses to stay in contact because when I left Seattle a long time ago to live in California for a little bit. I did bulk emails and it was, it was a different time where you could do that and it felt more personal.

Track 1:

That

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

I think people were checking their emails more then too. So, but that doesn't feel right anymore, but Substack is kind of the closest that I can get to that. And, it's definitely not been the same. And there have been people that I, I forget that I've wanted to stay in contact with them. Right. Like I found my, I found my old massage therapist's card and it's got his email address on. It was like, Oh, there it is. I've been wanting to be connected. Right. And I haven't, he hasn't heard from me. Um, and all I have is this email address. So. You know, send him email and hey, if you want to, like, kind of see what's been going on, here's my sub stack. And, that's kind of, and I have 1, I have 1, 1 person that I stay in contact with through email, but that's been challenging the asynchronous nature of it. Especially since people don't get back to email as quickly as they did 15 years ago, makes it harder to stay in touch, much like penpalling did in the

Track 1:

I miss pen palling. Honestly, I love letters. If my friends would write letters, we would stay in very close contact. Ooh, you're holding up letters!

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Yeah, I do have a couple penpals. Um, these are actually Instagram penpals. One of them is here in Spain. Another is in South Dakota.

Track 1:

Are these people you've met in person or they were just like random? Okay. How did this happen? Tell me more.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

So I, I bullet journal. I'm a huge bullet journal fan, and, bullet journaling went from being very minimalist, right, to super artsy. And then there's this crossover between scrapbookers and bullet journaling and then stationary people and bullet journal. And so there's this sort of meld of the creative. You know, art and words that kind of has come together here in my algorithm, as it were, so, I followed some creative people who basically are like snail mail stationary type folks, and they'll, they'll send letters to people and, and, actually. They'll send letters to people and, you know, decorate the envelopes and then include a letter and then on the inside they'll also include some, what they call ephemera, you know, little stickers and washi tape and samples of things and you just write back and forth. So I actually have a lot of guilt because I've been sitting on these letters since, December, January, and I haven't gotten. Written back, because I'm spent all my free time that I had is now spent podcast editing.

Track 1:

That is a real thing. If anybody out there is thinking about starting a podcast, plan on spending like three hours behind the scenes for every hour in front of a microphone. And that doesn't mean you're putting out an hour long podcast either. That might be a 20 minute result at the end of it all.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

don't think that's it. I don't think it's been that bad for me. I don't think

Track 1:

You and I tried to put some pretty good practices in place when we started these two, to not over edit and over produce, but man, it does suck the life out of your, out of your clock.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Yeah. Yeah. Well, when you're not editing, I mean, at least for me with my other podcast, uh, Blasphemous Nutrition. If I'm not editing, I'm thinking about, episode ideas, I'm, I'm, working on, on branding stuff and, and how do I, you know, what do I even want to do with this podcast and, and then finding guests as well. I've, I've had a couple of actually really great interviews. Those are hard to

Track 1:

Yes.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Those have been a challenge with editing the

Track 1:

My old podcast had guests and oh my gosh, I'm so happy that my new one doesn't. So those, those letters I've seen on Instagram that some people will like basically have you subscribe and pay for getting letters. Is that the kind of thing that you're talking about? No. Or were these.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

No, actually, neither of these are subscription. They do have those. And I did that for a little while, with one person in Sweden. She's actually a Spaniard who lives in Sweden. I did that for, for a bit. And she was so sweet because she would also send stuff to my son. Yeah, it was really lovely. I, I really like her a lot. She's Marion, M A R I O N B C N, on Instagram.

Track 1:

something like that. Do you feel like you have to write back since you're paying? Can you just be like, great, I got my letter, but I don't, I don't owe them anything in return or did you?

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

you can't write her back. She didn't have a return address on it. She would send you stuff. She would basically send you stuff in a little note, you know, like, Thank you for the subscription. I hope things are well. And, you know, here's a little something for your son. Um, I did get her email, her address at one point in time and I don't know where I put it because I can't find it now because my son wanted to write her a thank you. So I reached out to her and was like, can I have your, your mailing address? Because you know, my son wants to send a thank you. So, but, but yeah, the subscription ones, you don't, you don't write back. You just basically pay to get their curated. They're curated ephemera, their, you know, their little letter, um, and a lot of them also design their own stickers or their own washi tape, their own stuff. And that's part of what's included in that subscription is their art.

Track 1:

oh, that's really neat. I love it. I mean, I just love it. Never in my history have I seen the opportunities to connect and communicate in so many ways. And I think it's obviously great. And then there's also the burden of, well, now you have to pick and how do you manage all these things, right? It's just like business owner. You can't be on all the platforms. It won't work, but it's fun to sample and experiment. And maybe each friend finds its own path. Right? Like, you've got your Zoom friends, and you've got your letter friends, and then you've got your Substack friends, and, and, it's a little mosaic.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

It is. It is.

Track 1:

Well, this whole thing started with you going back to the United States. So it sounds like the big difference between the first visit in this one, aside from the fact that the family's going with you, is the first visit was all gotta tie up loose ends. There's just stuff we didn't get done before we left the country. And this is really a family visit, connections visit. Is that accurate?

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

yeah, family connections and, and, I would say. You know, kind of like long term prep for the future, like a state planning staff, you know, that, that kind of,

Track 1:

We can't get away from it just because we left the country. Taxes, estate planning, family, it's all still right

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

yeah, yeah, exactly. So, so that's, you know, the, the adulting that needs to be done stateside, um, but it's mostly, yeah, it's mostly about seeing people. And I think that's probably why it feels a bit burdensome is because. because our families are spread so far and it feels like the onus is on us to go to all of them, even though we've flown halfway across the world to get on the same continent as them in the first place. And that is not sustainable. I, we will not keep doing this, but, but we need to figure out how to make it more, more effective and less exhausting for how to navigate that. And I'm sure, I'm sure there are people out there who, who have figured this out, right?

Track 1:

fact, if anybody listening has figured this out, you can find me on Instagram at be seriously happy. And I will take all advice you want to give me.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

for sure. Yeah. Cause your family's pretty spread out

Track 1:

Definitely. my, you know, my life was in Seattle. Although, in fact, the majority of them have ended up in the South, in Georgia, Tennessee, and Kentucky, and Florida. So, they're all really far away from my stuff and my life, but they're all kind of close to each other. So, if we do need to do a family trip, we can make it happen. But really, We've told people we probably won't be back to the United States for two years and just prepare for that. Um, I'll probably go back once for a work conference next January, February. So that's when I'll have to decide if I'm going to extend that or invite people to come to me. I don't know where that conference is going to be. I don't know yet if it's going to be in Florida or Vegas. But, um, you know, when my parents got married, the ones that are now divorced, but when they first got married, the story they tell me is they told their parents who were also, you know, they had two sets of in laws, right? They said, we're not going to split our Christmases. We're just not going to, we're going to create our own Christmas. We're going to have it in our own home. And they just kind of established that boundary. And that's always. It resonated with me that I get to say, this is what I'm doing and you guys get to be okay with it or not. And I still carry a ton of guilt around when I do that, but it's more mentally well for me to say, I've made this decision and you guys now you can be okay with it or not, rather than me trying to stretch myself and be all things to all people, which I do in other ways, but at least I'm trying to do it less in that one regard.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

It's still something I'm feeling my way through. When I left Alaska to go to college and came back to visit. I, um, you know, I did spend my entire vacation going to everybody and seeing everybody in town and then would need a vacation from my vacation. And my, one of my, one of my, um, father's assistants at the time, she said to me, why are you doing that? You tell them where you're going to be and make them show up to you. And it was, it was such a foreign thought to me that I could do that. That I could, that I could ask people to come to me. It had never even crossed my mind as a possibility. That would be. acceptable, right?

Track 1:

that's fascinating to me, especially because the way I see you is somebody who says what they need, you know, but of course we're in our four.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

I didn't start off that way. I wasn't hatched like that. That was the school of hard knocks multiple times. But it, it really, that really changed things for me when I would come home, right? When I would come home to visit. And in this situation, I'm trying to, I don't know how, I don't know how to do that when you have multiple family members in multiple different states, very. Very spread out. So

Track 1:

members of the same core family? No. See, that's the challenge, right? You can't be like, Hey, divorced parents come meet me. You know,

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

my husband's, yeah, my husband's family is in Colorado. My family is in Alaska, Oregon, Texas, Alabama, but they will all be at one place for my sister's wedding. Right. So, there's not a parent who will be hurt because I went to Alaska instead of Arkansas,

Track 1:

Shane's family show up to your sister's wedding, that would just be awkward. You

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

awkward considering they've never met. Yes.

Track 1:

know, I really love, and we have to wrap up today, I love the idea that we can leave our listeners and ourselves with that reminder that we can ask for what we need. It doesn't mean we'll get it. We won't get it if we don't ask for it. So just ask.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Exactly. If you assume it won't happen, it assuredly will not

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Guaranteed. Well, our dear listeners, go out and ask for what you need and live your best life, even if you're feeling guilty about it.

squadcaster-c9jb_3_03-12-2024_051251:

Until next time. Que te vaya bien.

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A la prochaine fois.

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Bonjola. If you did, the best thing you can do is share it with another person brave enough to move abroad. See you next time!