Bonjhola

EP 44 - Rebecca Moves to the 15th and We Honor Our Inner Toddlers

• Rebecca West

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Welcome to Bonjola, a podcast about two women, Amy and Rebecca, who each moved from the United States to Europe to become expats, Amy to Spain and Rebecca to France. We're here to share the highs, the lows, and the logistics of this adventure, encourage you to follow your own move abroad dreams, and remind you that you're not alone when the going gets tough. Enjoy. Bonjola, Rebecca. Anjola, Amy. Okay, so you're, I mean, our audience can't see you, but I can see you and your background is different than before. Yes, indeed, because we have move departments. And I need to hear all about it. I don't care what, if anybody else wants to hear, I gotta hear how is the new place. Cause you, you know, you had some concerns about the windows. I just, spill it. Yeah, cause I was, I was concerned about like literally the process of moving. Cause this is the first time. That we've moved with all of Damien's kitchen gear and all of our ingredients. Like we definitely have more stuff than we moved here. So I was worried about moving. I was worried about losing that gorgeous view that we had from the last apartment, but I was really excited because on paper, this Airbnb looked Amazing. But you never really know until you show up somewhere. So the right and you, you too did not have the chance to tour it before you committed to it. Right? Never asked an Airbnb host for that because it just seems like that's not what Airbnb is about, you know, like, right. If we were looking at getting a proper lease, With a landlord, then heck yes, we would want to see it first because there are a lot of rental scams in Paris. And so it is really, really important to make sure that you are communicating with the actual landlord and that everything is on the up and up. But with Airbnb, since we're kind of inside the system, we mostly just rely on reviews. I will, I won't choose a place that has fewer than, say, five reviews that seem legit. there's a lot of new Airbnbs, and there are situations in which I would take one on, but I'd ask a lot more questions. So And, and for our listeners, and to refresh my memory, how far is your new place from your old place? Because I know you don't have a vehicle, and I also don't really have a sense of how much kitchen stuff Damien has actually acquired in the last six months. So, like, give me a sense of the logistics of what you were trying to accomplish with this move to a different neighborhood. Yes. So, well, in terms of what we were trying to accomplish, Damien just likes variety. And because with the Airbnb system, we can't see something before we live there. You don't want to get saddled with something for a year that you hate. Right. Right. Right. So, our first. Uh, apartment was for six months. We just wanted it to get us through the Olympics. And then this one's only three months, which is shorter than we want, but that's cause that's how long it was available. And it really was that cool. So since Damien started at La Cordon Bleu, he has bought an entire set of pots and pans. He has an entire pantry full of spice jars. Oh, right. Quite a few mixing bowls and specialty ingredients. we've got like a Costco sized Bin of like praline cream, like stuff. It's all very special. I got a brick of marzipan in my house that somehow I have managed to not eat. Um, so it's a lot. And then I had done a fair amount of thrift shopping. So I'd say I have about twice the amount of clothes that I got here. So here's what we did. So first of all, in retrospect, what we didn't do as well as we could have, but it worked out fine was think about the overlay of our apartments. So we were checking out on the 31st and checking in on the 31st, but frequently you have to check out of places around 10 or 11 in the morning, and you can check into places at three or four in the afternoon. So luckily, I mean, the, the, the rule in life is if you don't ask, it's a no. So I have gotten very good at just asking for what I need. I wrote both our six month landlord and our new landlord. And I said, can I check out late? Can I check in early? They were both beautifully accommodating. It was self check into the new place. And so we could get started as early in the morning as we wanted, and we could go as late in the evening as we need it. So that took off so much pressure. Oh my gosh, that's fantastic. And then, of course, we also didn't want to overly stress the cat, so we were thinking about the cat. So what we did is we packed all of our original suitcases, and we got an Uber van, an Uber van, so it would fit all these huge suitcases. Luckily, there was no limit on the weight like there was when we flew, so we were able to make those suitcases way fuller. So we took the first trip over. turns out our new building, which is so amazing, it does have an elevator, and the elevator is about, twice the size of our old one. Oh, thank goodness. But, there's about 20 or 25 steps. Before you get to the landing that has the elevator. Of course there is. So explain that. I can't. But, still, we're five floors up. So the elevator is still fantastic. It just took a little doing for the first trip. And there was no, like there's no, in this building there's no accommodations for someone who may be, uh, Older or wheelchair bound or so need. The only thing I haven't explored is that the elevator does have a minus one. I don't know where it goes. It could go into the bowels of the building for all I know. My overall impression of Paris is that it is not mobility friendly. And I mean, I truly do wonder how I would feel living here if I were living in a wheelchair in particular. Yeah. I can't speak to it, but it doesn't look very accommodating from my very able bodied eyes even. Yeah. And Paris hosted the Paralympics. I know. So I would, I'm sure if somebody has opinions on this, but I don't have enough information to have an informed opinion. Yeah. That's, that's really piqued my curiosity. I might go spelunking in the internet to see what that situation is. And I know that, you know, obviously people in Paris, we've talked about this a lot, the people who are born and raised here in Paris and France, They walk everywhere. They are more mobile in general. So, like, getting older has a different meaning here. That said, people still break their leg or become wheelchair bound. So, I have no idea. I have no answers. So, we dropped our first suitcases off at the apartment, and then we went back and we filled the We had tons of shopping bags because when you go shopping here in Europe, they don't just give you bags. You buy and frequently they don't even have paper bags or we've, we've found that to be true many times. So we buy reusable bags. And then you have a whole crop of reusable bags because you forget to keep bringing them. Now, the thing is, if you're really Parisian, you have a rolling grocery cart. So people, yes, or a cute little basket for market day. So this is just a matter of building your local habit, which we don't have, but it's great because we filled all the bags with all the kitchen stuff, which really doesn't like to be laid on its side. And anyway, got to go. A second, well, we tried to get a second, second Uber van, but the weight was like 40 minutes. I think maybe all of Paris was on lunch. We're not sure. So we got a taxi, two taxis cause it was the best stuff. Grabbed the cat, locked up and came to the new place. So that's the logistics. It was pretty straightforward. Um, we had one of our school, Damien's school friends helped us. So that was really great because you don't want to walk away from your luggage ever in Paris. Right. Right. So you want to know about the apartment? I want to know about Murray first. How is Murray adjusting to the new place? He's totally fine. I mean, like, you know, with every one of these changes, I keep calling him the great resigned kitty, and that's where he's at. He's like, whatever. I don't know what's happening, but I've got my people, so I'll survive. Um, but this place has a a metal open tread spiral staircase. So that's new for Murray and it took him about two days before he was willing to go up and down the spiral staircase on his own. At first he was like, what is this? There is no way I'm going up this. And I literally had to take his little body and put him on the stairs and then like move his paws up. And at first I'd do it the whole way. And then. The next couple of times he would see that top step and then he would like jump over the last three just to get on solid, you know, wood floor footing. Uh, but it's only been three days and now he is going up and down just like a little champ. So he's just fine. Aw. He's such a good boy. Yeah. But tell me about the place. Yeah. So that obviously gives a clue about this place. So thing number one that is so cool about it is that the building is skinny. It's like remarkably skinny. And I post about it on Instagram before we found this building before we found the Airbnb listing. Cause when you're walking down the street and you see this tall building, you're like, that is. A weirdly skinny building. It just stands out. Then we found the listing and realized it was the same building. Don't remember how, thought that was amazing. And that's part of why I wanted to book it. So all the units are super skinny, but they are, at least this one is two levels. So you walk in and you have this really charming little postage stamp of a kitchen, a separate toilet room, which is a really common thing in Europe. And then you have the living room. Sadly, I still have no dining table. So that will be priority number one on the wishlist for the next place. oh, and then there's a tiny little terrace. So, we're talking. Maybe four feet by two feet. Um, but it's filled with plants. There's actually big lush plants inside too. So this place was definitely remodeled for the owners. It has fancy things like a water filter. The water tastes so good. Finally, it has a up, so you come up the spiral staircase. It's got a jacuzzi tub. It's got. air conditioning. And the air conditioning is especially welcome because my first night of not sleeping with mosquitoes eating me was absolute heaven. And they warn you at this particular place. So off the back of the building is a little park, kind of a greenbelt park that used to be a train. It's called Le Petit Sentier, which means the little belt. So there used to be this train that circled all of Paris. and it's now a walking path and they're actually, I think, redoing it now so that it becomes a full circle around Paris again. I don't know what the timeline on that is. But! Lots of mosquitos in that little green belt as they warn you, keep the windows closed if you don't want mosquitos. So, I mean, honestly, I think this place would be unbearable if we didn't have the air conditioning. So, yeah, Jacuzzi tub, air conditioning, adorable spiral staircase, actual house plants that we have to take care of but it's worth it. Um, water filter, And probably some other things I'm not even remembering right now. It's and it's decorated. The light fixtures are super cool, like industrial. There's curtains. There's a actual authentic marble coffee table, and it is the most beautiful marble. It's white, black, and green. This beautiful mossy green marble. I'm in heaven. That sounds perfect. I I'm a little bit. mourning your past self for stepping into this place with the air conditioning as summer is ending? Oh no, it's still plenty hot and muggy right now. It is. Oh yeah. Oh God. I'd say even, it's not hotter than it was, but it's muggier than it was. Yeah. Yeah. We've had a lot, a lot of humidity here in Spain as well. One thing I noticed is that Um, the flies came back, so, but the flies haven't been around all summer. I don't know why, I'm not sure what's different, but, you know, towards the end of August, the flies returned, it has been muggier, and overall Spain has been more moist, and rainier this summer than last summer, which has also meant less fires here, which is super cool. But I'm That is nice. Yeah, I'm really glad that you are continuing to have opportunities to use this air conditioning because it is such a glorious luxury in Paris to have AC. I feel, I mean this place is as close to American as, and oh, and there's a big fridge. As close to American as I'm going to feel and it's it's interesting to be back in Inside this feeling and I'm going to, I'm using the word inside very intentionally because one of the things that was so strange about the last apartment, as, as I keep mentioning, it had this amazing expansive view. And I, I really missed that view. That is the one thing that this, Department definitely does not replicate, but it also had those big French windows and no screens. And so the mosquitoes and the flies all came in. But in addition, oh, and the wasps that was really picking up speed last month. But in addition, you would wake up and realize that there's no separation between you and the whole world. There is this four foot by six foot tall hole. In the wall between you and the world. And it's non American in my experience. I have never as an American slept with no barrier, at least a screen between me and the outside world. And so now not only do I, I mean, I don't have screens on this house, but that's because everything is closed. So I have these very sound and world insulating windows and all of my air is being recycled. So this It makes indoor air quality a lot more important, and a lot of people actually live with worse indoor air quality than is outside, even city living. Yep. It is very weird to feel so cocooned in my acclimatized cocoon. I mean, that's really the word to use again there. And in some ways, oh, we have a dryer, so I'm going to have fluffy towels again. Oh, whoa! Whoa! Right when, I know, but it, but also interesting, it was right when I was getting used to that kind of, this is going to sound horrible, I kind of like that crunchy exfoliating feeling of an air dried towel now. Yeah, I was going to ask you, how are you going to exfoliate your body now that you have a dryer? Because that's what I use my towels for. We do have a dryer, but our dryer is, um, I've just gotten so used to the dryer not working that when we figured out how it's actually supposed to work, I still Don't generally use it. It's, it's surprisingly easy to air dry. It does take up a lot of space in these tiny Parisian apartments. I will say very true, very true. So, yeah, it's only going to be three months. And part of me is like, Rebecca, you just did all this work, getting used to living a little bit more naturally, and now you're going back to this very unnatural way of living. And so I'm really curious, fast forwarding to how I'm going to feel in whatever the next apartment. Is. Yeah, you have wisdom of your past self that you're taking through, so you have a sense of what to expect, but you'll have these three months of like, posh luxury cocooning. Right? That was very indulgent. Okay. I was gonna ask, like, how is, you know, you described it as weird, which is difficult to relate to, because weird is so different for everybody, right? And it could be like, do you now feel, um, almost caged by the windows being closed and the AC in? Or are you like, no, this is my gorgeous, cozy little Parisian flat with a bed. big fridge and cool air. And this is amazing. I get fluffy towels because I can see both being real. And that's actually the answer. It is both because, and it's different for Damien and I, you know, he has always loved AC. I've never loved AC. And the very first night when we woke up, I would say we both slept better, but I woke up very dried out because While the A. C. is amazing because it's been muggy and so it's not muggy in my apartment, it's also sucking the moisture out of my own body. So it makes me extra glad about the water filter, so I'm going to be hydrating more. So there are different things that both of us are really indulging in. For Damien, he loves the A. C. For me, I love not sleeping with mosquitos. Yeah. I would have been just as happy with screens as a solution for that, but if A. C. is what it means, I am. So it's, it's always about what are you trying to solve for and what are your options for solving for it? And boy, I'm just going to try and really like lean into the gratitude of being mosquito free for the next three months. Yeah, I don't know that will always stay true. Yeah, there is something special about not having to deal. With the mosquitoes, they're here too, along with the flies and they really seem to like my ankles. So because we have AC in our apartment, they don't, they don't come in here unless we do throw open, you know, throw open the terrace doors for a little fresh air before AC becomes or you know, if the museum next door has a concert and we Open up the doors to them, right? Aw. But when I step outside to go anywhere, they're all over me. If I run and I don't run fast enough, someone is biting my legs, which is really, Offensive. I don't know about you, but it's also surprising to me, which I don't know why I feel so surprised. But when I think of Spain, I picture dry. I picture dry. I don't picture mosquitoes. When I picture city living, I don't picture mosquitoes, which is very silly because mosquitoes just need like a neglected plant pot. full of water and they have got the best breeding ground ever, right? They don't need a lot to be happy. But yeah, that was one of my biggest surprises moving here. I didn't think that was going to be part of my experience. And while I don't like how chemically my life is in America. At the same time, but before we wrap up this conversation, I also want to talk about a language experience that this has given me. There's so many of those opportunities. So this particular Airbnb only has a single key, which by the way, I always find very strange given that most of the time people are staying in Airbnbs in sets of two or more people. Whatever. That's just my opinion. Bye bye. So my Airbnb lady said that they could either have a key made and mailed to me or I can go get it made at a locksmith and they'd pay me back. So that's pretty cool. So since I really want to know how real life works here, I said, I want to get this made. So today I started the journey. It's never a one stop shop thing when you're in a new culture, new language. Um, and no, I have not solved my mailboxes, but it is September, so I am hoping that the ladies are back, or gentlemen, whatever, and I can solve for that. But this new one is, here's what I've learned so far. A locksmith, in French, is called a serrurier, if it's a mouthful. And the, there are many kinds of keys in Europe. Some of them look medieval. Some of them look just like American keys. Mine is more like a apartment building key where it has all the little dimples in it, more industrial. Apparently these are very secure kinds of keys. Obviously that would require your door also being secure. And ours has definitely got some, literal wiggle room where if somebody pushed on it too hard, we're pretty sure they could push the door in. So key is only one step to security, but I went to this and they said, we can definitely replicate this. I went to one that would have taken two days. I'm like, well, this is our only key. So that's not going to work. I went to another that can do it in five minutes. Please ask more questions. I will need to have so they the first the question I said is do you have a certificate of authority basically saying yes, you know, this is my key. I'm allowed to duplicate this key. I obviously don't have that. So I sent a message to my host to find out if they have that haven't heard back yet. But if you don't have one, they can issue a securities certificate or authority certificate for an additional fee. So it seems like that making the keys about 85 euro, the certificate seems to be about 40 euro, which aligns because my landlord said it should cost about 120 euro, which is math. So that's all making sense. I'm getting, I feel like I'm getting the right answers. So now what I have to do is I need to send this to my landlord. Form to the landlord to fill out. They actually had to provide forms of identification. And once I do that, then I will be able to have this key made, which all makes perfectly logical sense from a security perspective. So I did all of that today. In my terrible French, because these are not places where they speak English. They're not dealing with tourists very often, so that's pretty proud. That's exciting. That reminds me of something you'd said several months ago about wanting to put yourself in these situations to get out of your comfort zone, to stretch, to learn new vocabulary. To make it harder for you to default into English because your environment makes it so easy in Paris. And, so, and I, well, okay, two thoughts came to my mind. So, first of all, I also went makeup shopping, which is a big thing. big deal. Same thing because I needed to get a treatment for my melasma. So again, I'm going to, that's beyond like, Hey, I need some sunscreen, right? This is beyond tourist level. And my foundation ran out and the brand I use isn't made anymore. So these. You know, even in, even in English, you're like, okay, now I have to go find a new brand that hopefully won't make me break out that matches my skin. And now you add the language on top of that. Right. So I was telling Damien, I was like, okay, I want to get back and try the mailboxes thing again, but I had just finished the makeup thing. And today I just did the key thing. And I realized that I was simply out of French. Yeah, it just wears you out and there's you have to stop because if you try and push through that you're just gonna frustrate yourself and feel stupid about it and Feel like you can't do something that you can you're just not you need to rest up. You need to build up The pool of resources again in your brain before you embark out again I assume you have found the similar thing Absolutely. Absolutely, especially, you know it was it was every day when we first moved here because things like getting a cell phone or All of this stuff that we needed to do for the visa um You You know, literally one thing, like, okay, we're going to go to the cell phone store and see what we have to do to get an eSIM. And then like, we're done. That's it done for the day, you know? Yeah. And, and you didn't even get the thing. You were like, this is the refund visit to figure out how we, yeah. Oh yeah. To actually get the thing in your hand. It's like three more visits. Right, exactly, at least. So, yeah, and you know, that's less and less now, but, but at the same time, anytime there is something new that we're not accustomed to, you know, I keep thinking like we need a dentist, we need a doctor, and even thinking about the process. It's like, okay, I thought about it for 20 minutes, I'm done. That's it for me today. I love that you point that out because you're right. That is step one. It isn't the recon trip is not the first step. The first step is like literally building your inner fortitude and looking up the words that go with the category of the thing you're like, so how many times have I said that word to myself today, practicing the word locksmith, right? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, speaking of the move, I think the big thing that I'm noticing, and we touched a little bit on this in the, in the episode or two ago, are these chapters we go through, you know, when I first landed here, I really thought I had these big plans for like conversation groups and whatever, right. And the first six months weren't about that. They were about all of these other things. And now that we're at the six month mark, I have just set up my first conversation group and I'm really excited. And that's happening in two more Fridays. Nice. But, but we have to recognize that the bandwidth is, is what it is. And you, and the, and the big dreams will be accomplished, but they will not all happen as fast as your American brain thinks before you've made the shift and realized how much energy every single decision or task takes. And you just have to be patient with yourself and the process because pushing it will just make it worse. So true. So truly. First of all, Europe takes everything at a slower pace than the States does. That too. Secondly, you are not going to be going at the speed of a normal person. You are going at, like, if you've ever If you've ever walked to a nearby park with a toddler, this is the pace that you are going to do very simple things like trying to find a new lotion or getting a cell phone or figuring out how to, you know, get internet connections, right? It is Excruciating. It's excruciating. And the more you fight against the reality, the more excruciating you make it. Like, so we don't need to pile on the extra. Yeah, like when you feel like you need to take a nap, take the nap. Because pushing through will only make you stub your toe and get even angrier. You know. So true. Yeah, you're gonna go slow. You're gonna just make stupid mistakes. Yeah. I'm just sitting here like thinking back over the last six months and it's, it goes so fast. And yet it goes excruciatingly slow. Your, your whole sense of time becomes confused. And I'll say, I have no regrets about moving around and staying within the Airbnb system. I'm really glad we did it. We love the simplicity of it. We have not had to feel, figure out utilities or any of those things. So it allowed us to kind of kick some balls down the road, but moving this often is also a little bit like taking. Two steps forward. One step back because you know, now I've got to go find out where are we going to do our grocery shopping again? Where is my local boulangerie and fermagerie again? Where is my local post office again? So. If I were giving people advice, I would definitely say, we're still really glad that we did this system, but we would do it for six months minimum. Well, I think Damien's on the four month minimum stay. I'm on the six month minimum stay so that you've got enough time to get settled into a place and then make progress rather than taking that step back too often. Yeah, that makes sense. But you are going to be a ninja at the end of this. Well, I will, let me close on this in terms of the neighborhood. We're in the 15th, the 15th arrondissement. It's just South of the seventh, which is where the Eiffel tower is. And it's a 20 minute walk to Damien's school. So we are truly. You know, in our own neighborhood, it's a very residential neighborhood. This is where people just live and work. And it's definitely less suburban feeling than Biancourt feels very clean. It's got like, how do I describe this? Um, very American dream, like in terms of like the trash is where the trash should be, and there's no graffiti. It's all very tidy in a suburban way. Love it, but some of the wealth that you would expect to go with that is there and isn't in the 15th, where people live a little bit more normal lives. And under bridges can be a little stinkier because there are people sometimes living there, you know, living on the streets. So I would say even though you'd asked how far I was from my previous home, the taxi ride was like 10 minutes. And that's because Paris streets are insane. You know, it's very, very close. But they definitely feel totally different neighborhoods, just like the different neighborhoods of Seattle. Yeah. Awesome. Stay tuned. Stay tuned. Because I've only been here for three days. Yeah, there's so much about your new neighborhood that we get to explore with you. So that's very exciting. I'm looking forward to it. But until then, I'm going to bid you an adios. And I will bid everyone an au revoir. We hope you enjoyed this episode of Bonjola. If you did, the best thing you can do is share it with another person brave enough to move abroad. See you next time!