Bonjhola

EP: 75 Rebecca's Summer Road Trip, French Faux Pas, and Reframing Your Perspective to Make Big Changes

• Rebecca West

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Welcome to Bon Jola, a podcast about two women, Amy and Rebecca, who each move from the United States to Europe to become expats. Amy to Spain and Rebecca to France. We're here to share the highs, the lows, and the logistics of this adventure. Encourage you to follow your own, move abroad dreams, and remind you that you're not alone when the going gets tough. Enjoy.

Aimee:

Rebecca, it's been a hot minute since we've spoken, and I don't know where you are right now, but you've got this gorgeous black and white wallpaper behind you with monkeys in it kind of looks like banana trees, but it doesn't really look like banana trees,

Rebecca West:

I love that we're starting with the wallpaper behind me. Yes. So those are monkeys. They are monkeys in palm trees in the bedroom of our current Airbnb, and yes, it is one of the reasons I chose this Airbnb because I love wallpaper. And honestly, Airbnbs give me the chance to live out some of my fantasies because even though I love all things interior design and I love nesting, it's rare that I can personally commit to wallpaper because there's just too many of them that I love. So this is a treat. Um,

Aimee:

I feel about art

Rebecca West:

yeah.

Aimee:

and, and decor in general. Especially like, yeah. Yeah. I feel if left to my own devices, my walls would be so covered in art that it would look a little Mad Hatter esque and

Rebecca West:

I mean, that is not necessarily a bad thing.

Aimee:

I agree, but it's also a little expensive. And then, and then I think ultimately the big fear is what happens when I run out of wall,

Rebecca West:

Yeah.

Aimee:

I will, I will run out of wall. And the thought of having a piece and then having to get rid of it, I just can't bear the thought.

Rebecca West:

You know, that's actually a timely thing to say too, because I know today we're gonna catch up on all the moving around and stuff that Damien and I have been doing. But one of the few things that is in storage back in Seattle are our various pieces of. And we'll put this in quotes, art.'cause none of our stuff is expensive, but all of it's meaningful to us. Yeah. Um, yeah. And I would say we have now, we definitely do, we have new art in storage now in Paris, so we're, we're definitely starting a collection that will later cause me problems.

Aimee:

Yeah, I've been in the States and, uh, had the, had the serendipitous joy of running into an estate sale in an expensive neighborhood and did leave with a few things, but, oh my goodness. Oh my gosh. And, and my son was also super excited. He's like, oh, look at all this cool stuff. And he is like, when we move to the United States, I wanna go to estate sales all the time and garage sales and just get all the things.

Rebecca West:

And I love thinking about the stories behind the

Aimee:

Oh, I know,

Rebecca West:

We actually just picked up, so spoiler, we'll get ahead of our story here. I'm in Lil France, right? Now, and we went to Bruge Belgium as a day trip. It's only a 45 minute drive from here. So we did that yesterday And uh, we went to a market and I picked up a postcard. And this has actually been my new solution for art, is I'm picking up these old, this is a 1909 postcard.

Aimee:

Oh my God.

Rebecca West:

I only buy ones where I like both the front, but also there's a dated message from somebody to somebody on the back. I love that stuff, and so I figure if I collect enough of these postcards, then I can amass them into one big frame because I don't like small art. I don't like my home to feel cluttered, but this way I can collect small tokens and then amass them into one big story. When I'm finally settled again in, I don't know, 5, 10, 15 years.

Aimee:

That's awesome. That's a great idea. I used to find fancy or creative postcards when I was in high school, and I would frame them and decorate my room with them because it was inexpensive art. Yeah.

Rebecca West:

That's awesome. Yeah, and actually I have found some really cool postcards in the strangest places like gas stations or diners, and they will just have these like retro inspired ads basically. But they're super, yeah, so that's a little tip for people who wanna bring home souvenirs that aren't expensive, can be a lot more unique and meaningful and will fit in your luggage without any problems.

Aimee:

exactly. And because they go on your wall and not on a countertop or a bookshelf, they're also a lot more. Friendly, you know, pet friendly, kid friendly,

Rebecca West:

Yeah, and they don't have to be amassed into something big. They would tuck under like a little desk blotter or you know, just into the corner of your mirror in the bathroom if you just have one of them. To bring a little smile to your day. So you also said it's been a hot minute, which is also a perfectly phrased phrase because we have been having the canna in France, the heat waves, but we have basically avoided them. We, we are down in the south of France first and on the coast we had a lovely breeze coming in, so it was, it was hot, but it was very comfortable. In Portugal where we stay it. I swear to you, it doesn't get over 75 and it doesn't get under 65. It is a very mild, it's very much like old Seattle where the weather was almost always consistent. And then now in lil, today's a little bit hot and stuffy, but honestly it's not. It's just that we don't have air conditioning in this apartment. we didn't have it in Paris either, but we got out of there before the heatwave hit. so anyway, the heat wave has been trying to chase us down, but so far we haven't completely been melting and I am figuring out how to live without ac. But the hardest part about living without AC is you want the windows open And, the French also don't believe in screens.

Aimee:

do the Spanish. I don't understand

Rebecca West:

in mosquito bites.

Aimee:

Yeah, it's interesting because I've been, you know, uh, I read in the news that there's this whole movement in Europe for the environment to restrict AC usage in Europe.

Rebecca West:

Yeah, I, would believe that.

Aimee:

I don't. I'm, I'm curious to see how they are going to, how they're going to achieve that without killing people. Because the heat waves this summer have already killed 1800 Spaniards in, you know, June and July, and you can't, like, we don't have a solution right now for those two opposed. Goals of human life versus, versus the environment. Right?

Rebecca West:

Which by the way, the environment is connected to human life. So if you're, we don't wanna completely pretend these are two

Aimee:

True. But it's, it's harder. It's harder to find out that your grandparent died because they didn't have AC and they're living in a house that they've lived in for 60 years versus, you know, thinking about three generations, two generations down the road. Um. I, so I, I don't know, it's a complete side tangent, but I think it's an interesting, I, I guess what I want to say is I was surprised that that news article was published in late July in the middle of a heat wave, you know, just a couple of weeks after this news report about people dying from heat exposure in Europe.

Rebecca West:

Well, and I'd be curious to know if. There's a generational divide and, and if there's an irony to that generational divide are the people who are at risk, you know, the old school people, literally the older people, the ones who are like, I've come this far without ac, don't, you know, don't put AC in my home. Like, is it the kids who would want it for their parents? Is there a generational shift? I have no idea.

Aimee:

Oh, that's interesting. I don't envision it like that at all. I think because my grandparents lived without electricity and plumbing for most of their lives, I imagine it. As, as the elder population who have been living in one place for multiple decades, several generations simply just not having AC because it's an old stone house, or it's expensive to install or what, or it's expensive to maintain too. Like having AC is pricey. Um, and so it's not being done for those reasons and they're perishing. And then the youth, the youth are like. You know, very concerned about climate change and thinking about the future, and the elders are just doing what they've always done, you know, but then you get these reports of like, all of these people dying. And I, I don't, I don't, I don't get a sense that people are advocating for the people who are dying. You know, as in like, we can't, we have to prevent this from happening. We need AC everywhere. I don't hear that side of a debate forming more that it's another heat wave. Heat is killing people. And then you know, the EU is looking at putting severe restrictions on air conditioning for environmental reasons.

Rebecca West:

I, and I actually haven't been paying attention because I don't watch the news, but. I'll say that when, oh no, it was in, it was here in Lil, there's a, we were walking around Lil for, for our first kind of recon walks, and we came across the cemetery. There's a big, beautiful cemetery here, the cemetery up the east, and right on the gates it says it's normal hours. I think it closes at 6:00 PM Usually it was sunset. But it has a big sign that says, in case of chemical, come here because it's very shaded. It's very, it's a very peaceful, cool place to be. So what comes to my mind as you're speaking is we are having a conversation about lives versus ac, but I have a feeling that the conversation here is also like how do we create those community spaces? Maybe how do we create AC and spaces where people can come and gather, and of course, using the natural. Like trees and stuff too. And again, I am putting words into people's mouths. I have no idea what the actual conversations that they're having are.

Aimee:

Yeah. And of course in a, in a news bite, all they're saying is the EU wants to restrict access. They're not talking about how the EU is looking for alternative solutions, which one, one would hope that part of that conversation is also what will we do without ac given that. The environment is already warming up, year on year.

Rebecca West:

Now while I can understand the nuances of the AC conversation, the mosquito screen conversation is a hill I will die on. Okay? It protects you from malaria and dengue, which is coming into more and more of the world as that climate change is happening. And yes, I understand that it's made. Probably plastic. The screening is poly matter plastic, and we don't want more plastic in our lives. But if we're going with a pro versus con list, a simple screen installation to avoid AC and dengue and malaria, and just regular mosquito bites, that seems like a no brainer.

Aimee:

It does, and I don't, you know, I have no. I have no imaginings for what the Spain, for what Spain's reasonings are for not having screens on windows. But I could see the French in my extremely biased American mindset thinking it's just not fashionable, Rebecca.

Rebecca West:

is

Aimee:

It obstructs the view and it's ugly.

Rebecca West:

I don't know. I don't know. And it's not like any of these windows are old. I'm the room I'm sitting in right now. These are brand new windows. They're very sound insulating, they're very heat insulating. They're actually great windows. No screens. I can't figure it out. It doesn't matter. I will tell you that yesterday at the car floor, I bought myself a sheet of mosquito screening and I taped it up over my window. Now, unfortunately there's two other windows that don't close very well. This is only a half measure, but I'm doing what I can.

Aimee:

Yeah. Yeah. You're, you're resurrecting some of your tropical, your tropical experiences

Rebecca West:

Well, in Nicaragua, we, I had a mosquito net over my bed and I

Aimee:

I remember that.

Rebecca West:

Kept out the tarantulas and bats in addition to the mosquitoes, but I didn't have a cat. So otherwise, well, between Cat and Murray, I mean, wait. Who, who am I married to Between

Aimee:

the male cat and the pet cat, the male human,

Rebecca West:

That thing would get ripped down or ripped to shreds in like one night. It's just not even worth me trying.

Aimee:

yeah.

Rebecca West:

Yeah. Okay.

Aimee:

I don't envision Damien gracefully exiting a mosquito netted bed. I don't see that. It would be more, and it would be comical.

Rebecca West:

It really would. It really would. In fact, I am curious to know how, given the challenges of sleeping as a couple and the options around that, how do couples sleep under mosquito nets? Do they tend to share one or is it like in Europe where you each have your own duvet and you also have your own mosquito net? I've never been partnered up and needed a whole tent before.

Aimee:

listeners, if you have. Proposed answers to this conundrum, this question

Rebecca West:

Let

Aimee:

of great importance. Please let us know

Rebecca West:

uh, onto the topic of the day. All right, so let's see. I've already mentioned that.

Aimee:

you're little.

Rebecca West:

I am in Lil, I got here by way of Portugal, which was by way of Jer. I know we mentioned that in one of our episodes, which was by way of south of France. So that has, that is two months of travel. We're in our final month, and we will be spending one week in Amsterdam during this month to celebrate the King's birthday. It's a big deal.

Aimee:

I'm sure you'll love being up north.

Rebecca West:

Oh yeah. Well, and Amsterdam is chill and not because. Of all the pot smoking, which we also have already talked about on this podcast. It isn't a thing like the tourist would have you think it is. It's just a great place to be. Do you want to know about moving day?

Aimee:

Yeah, when did you move? I'm so, I'm so behind in your life because, well, for, for the listener, we're on different continents at the moment. I've also been, hopping about location to location and quite occupied with family matters, and we have not recorded in quite some time. And I know you had a full summer, Rebecca, and so, yes. Where in the world is Rebecca West? How did she get there and how long have you been there?

Rebecca West:

Um, you know, I wanna say this with confidence that my, my mind is also a bit of a blur, but I am pretty darn sure we moved on July 1st.

Aimee:

Yes, that sounds right. Because we met up, it would've been close to the first, because we met up in Gerona when I returned from the States. July. You came July 4th.

Rebecca West:

That's, I was thinking the same thing. Yeah.

Aimee:

Yep. And you left, I wanna say the ninth or so,

Rebecca West:

Yeah, so

Aimee:

we left Gerona on the 13th of July. And as this recording is August 12th, folks, so we've been zipping about now

Rebecca West:

oh, and I forgot to mention that. So yeah, we went to Mentone, which is south of France, really close to Italy where there's a chance that might be where Damien does his internship. So stay

Aimee:

Oh,

Rebecca West:

everybody

Aimee:

exciting. Can you spell that out?

Rebecca West:

M as in Mary, E as in echo, N as in Nancy, T as in Tom, O as in octopus, and another N like Nancy.

Aimee:

I may have you spell out all of these French towns and perhaps the Belgian ones as well, because when you say them, how I hear them is assuredly not how they are spelled.

Rebecca West:

Yeah, and I have to apologize now to everybody because the French can't understand me and now neither can the Americans and it's just a hot mess. Um, okay, so ol, that's the south of France, very close to Nice. And we were able to swim in the Mediterranean. It was, it was heaven. It might get really hot living there for real, but it would be a short stay four to six months. You know, you can test yourself and see if you can survive heat, weather stuff. Then j where you live. Then we left there and went to Lano, which I highly recommend to anybody who is a foodie. There is, um, uh, CA, Laurel, Laurel Street, which is a U-shaped street that is just filled with Pinkos, which is like a small version of tapas, and you just bar hop from place to place having one pinot, one drink, pay your bill. Go to the next one. Such a fun time. and we've been before. We don't always like going back to places because sometimes a memory is so good that you don't wanna taint it with, you know, the new one.

Aimee:

Yeah.

Rebecca West:

And not only was it just as fun as last time, but we got to see a lot more of Lano. And Lano itself is a nice place to be. It's got some really nice parks and areas that are outside of that tourist frenzy area. So really good spot in the north of Spain. Then we went over to Portugal, where the highlight, near o so we stay near ose, which is a medieval walled city. And we mostly go because it's very, very chill and we're trying to get our golden visa over there. But this time we did two things. We had had a Michelin restaurant up in Porto and there's a reel about it on my Instagram at be seriously Happy. And that's one of the places that his co-students had. Graduated from the Cordon Blue and is working at probably our best Michelin experience to date. Not because of the food, but because the service level felt beautifully choreographed. Like you were in the middle of a production, a play, a performance. And in my opinion, at that level of price point,

Aimee:

Yeah,

Rebecca West:

it is about. The God, this sounds so hoity-toity. I even hate saying these words, but I'm gonna do it anyway. It's about the experience, the journey they take you on.

Aimee:

well, food can only taste so good and ingredients can only be elevated so high.

Rebecca West:

Exactly.

Aimee:

At some point, you know, if you have a potato dish that is part of a$500 meal, it's really hard to justify that.

Rebecca West:

Especially at potato.

Aimee:

Especially. Yeah. Yeah. And so, so it has to, you know, everything, everything else becomes, becomes, yeah. A part of, a part of that. That culinary experience, the environment, the service, the interaction with the staff, all of it has to play a role. Otherwise, these guys are not going to. They, they, otherwise, they couldn't justify what they charge. Right. And I think, I imagine in the, in the highly competitive world of Michelin star restaurants, that these places are always looking how, looking at how to keep it fresh, keep it innovative, and, and keep, keep the star or, or increase the amount of stars that they have. So I don't doubt that, um, that of course is gonna have to play a role.

Rebecca West:

And we've been to. We've been to five now. So in, um, maybe over the course of five or six years, we started by, uh, with, with a special experience for his mom, for her birthday. That was the one that kicked it off. So we've been to five and they are, they have varied quite widely in the actual price point. Um, some of them I, I, I just choke when I think about how much we spent. As with all things, the more you spend is does not necessarily mean the better your experience it. it. is not the most experience, expensive ones that are the best,

Aimee:

Yeah.

Rebecca West:

At that level, you're consuming art. So instead of paint the, the medium is food and you're really seeing what can somebody do? And it's the difference between looking at a really beautiful painting and a master level painting that nobody else can create. And if that doesn't appeal to you, you shouldn't spend the money on it. It's go spend the money on something else. The thing that you are passionate about. So that was Porto. Um, we also stayed, okay, so Damien did make it an event. We stayed at a hotel called the Yeaman, uh, Y-E-A-T-M-A-N. And I'm not really a fancy hotel lover because generally speaking, I feel like they nickel and dime you forever. Everything, like gimme a good Holiday Inn with my free wifi and my free buck breakfast buffet. But again, this time and the, and the. The Michelin restaurant is inside the eight man. It's called the Yate Man Experience, and it was everything. The view of Porto is a postcard. The white fluffy robes are straight out of a brochure.

Aimee:

Mm.

Rebecca West:

The bubble bathtub has the, I mean, you guys, if you're looking to spoil yourself for a night or three, it was about 500 bucks a night. and and again, I don't like to spend that money and I felt for the first time in a long time, felt like I was rewarded for the, the spending,

Aimee:

Okay. Wow.

Rebecca West:

you know? Okay. So back to real life. Um, then we drove halfway to Lil. Oh, sorry. No. Oh gosh. You guys, it's just story time today. There's so many things we have to tell you. Okay. That wasn't my highlight for Portugal. My

Aimee:

Gather round. Gather round children. Sit down at story time with Rebecca. Get close. Grab your stuffies and your juice boxes'cause we're gonna have a very good story now.

Rebecca West:

and you will not be surprised by what I'm about to tell you. It was a medieval festival, you know, Comic-Con whateverness in a medieval city.

Aimee:

Yes.

Rebecca West:

Mind blown. We had meat on a stick. We had a mug of wine There There were literally, not just the vendors were in costume, but they encourage everybody to be in costume. One of the tickets, you can actually rent the costumes when you show up.

Aimee:

Oh,

Rebecca West:

year, we will be doing this. I was in Rebecca Heaven, absolute heaven.

Aimee:

it's a LARPers dream, folks. Is that, that's in Porto

Rebecca West:

It's an overdose,

Aimee:

Odo. Okay, there we go.

Rebecca West:

amazing. Okay.

Aimee:

Uh, I remember when we, when we lived in Mexico, which now is going on 10 years ago. We were in, gosh, which city was it?'cause we hopped around a little bit in Mexico. I think it was in Guanajuato. We stumbled upon a renaissance fair and unlike renaissance fairs in the US they were jousting. They were jousting with real, like pointy dangerous things and going at each other, like hardcore, serious and, but intentionally, like doing narrow misses or, or a tap to make somebody fall off their horse. Um, they were, it was very, they didn't pull any punches. They, it was a seriously authentic experience compared to the very safety first, muted. Renaissance fairs that we have in the States. And you know, I'm like, oh, Mexico, I love how you just, you just, you know, encourage personal responsibility and let the dangers of life be known, because how otherwise are we going to learn that the stove is hot unless we encounter the hot stove. It's so great.

Rebecca West:

Can you imagine people in the United States, whole communities building human towers and that not leading to lawsuits.

Aimee:

Oh yeah. There's not, there's no way.

Rebecca West:

Uh,

Aimee:

way.

Rebecca West:

yeah, the safe, the safety's off outside of the United States.

Aimee:

right, folks. Yeah. And that's, that's why I think our perspective is so skewed.

Rebecca West:

Truly, truly. Um, okay, so. We've made it through Portugal. So now we gotta get up to lil, so lil is way in the north part of France, almost in Belgium. So this means we've gotta drive all the way across Portugal, which doesn't take very long. All the way across Spain and then all the way up France. That's an eight. Up for us was an eight hour drive and then a 10 hour drive.'cause we had to stop'cause we have our cat with us this full

Aimee:

Right.

Rebecca West:

Um, so we stopped in Bayonne, which is B-A-Y-O-N-N-E. And I didn't know anything about it. Damien chose this one on his own'cause we realized we had to split up the drive. Oh my gosh. Okay. Another totally charming city. It's on the silver Coast, I believe, of France and just had a lovely surprise of this riverfront community with all of the different colored row houses like you picture in Europe.

Aimee:

yeah,

Rebecca West:

So pretty, and you always know these things are iconic. If you look at the tourist stores and they have puzzles of that view and they definitely do in Bayone.

Aimee:

Yeah.

Rebecca West:

But again, story time Bayone was lovely. Great place. Highly recommend it. I highly recommend that you stumble upon a random salsa night by the river like we did.

Aimee:

What? What are the odds?

Rebecca West:

I dunno. So.

Aimee:

those of you who may not know, Rebecca used to be a dance teacher, and that is how she met Damien. He was one of her students, and so this is beyond perfect.

Rebecca West:

Yeah. In fact, I looked at him and I said, Damien, we have been training for this our whole lives. And we did and we danced. And there must have been, we got there right as it was starting, which is perfect because we actually don't enjoy a crowded dance floor. you always end of the night with a heel. Another woman's heel going through the top of your foot. It is not my favorite experience, but we got the right as it opened, so we got some really good dancing in before it got crowded. By the time we left, there must have been 60 couples on the dance floor, and there was one moment. I don't know if it was like a dance group or if it's a local. Dance that they know, but they all busted out in a choreographed sync syncopated or a, you know, synced

Aimee:

Synchronized,

Rebecca West:

Synchronized, yes. Just like, you know, like a flash mob or like a wedding dance where everybody knows the Macarena. I was so jealous. It was so fun to watch.

Aimee:

did you get any video of it?

Rebecca West:

It did. It is on my Instagram. It's actually, so most of our travel Instagram is actually going to chasing at chasing Damian. So I am cross posting to be seriously happy right now, just'cause I'm starting this chasing Damian feed. But chasing Damian is where people should actually follow if they only want the travel stuff.

Aimee:

And that's Damien with an E,

Rebecca West:

No, no, no, no, no, no,

Aimee:

Oh. I always mess it up. I always mess

Rebecca West:

So normal Damians and all of the tourist shops spell DA, spell it. D-A-M-I-E-N. But my unicorn of a husband ends with an A. So D-A-M-I-A-N. Chasing Damien.

Aimee:

Don't listen to me folks,'cause I think I get it right and then I'm wrong.

Rebecca West:

Yeah. But she's right about everything else, so you can keep listening to her.

Aimee:

Thank you for that. My ego is salvaged.

Rebecca West:

I'm nothing if not positive. Uh, okay. Where were we? We were in Beon and now we finally get to Lil. And Lil is a totally normal city. It is. There's pretty much, I mean, don't tell the Lillian or whatever they're called here, there's not really much to. It's just a normal town, but it's a great base town, a for saving some money on rent after you've been to too many Michelin restaurants and lived in Paris for a while. And two, it's, did I mess up my listing? Yeah, A two, whatever. It's a great base for hitting Kelly, which is a lovely beach town. And if you're a fan of the Three Musketeers, it's where the spy was on the road to in the, in the book. And you can get to Bruge, which is a gorgeous, gorgeous stop with all the medieval Old Town stuff that you want. That one's spelled B-R-U-G-E. There's an alternative spelling. It does not matter. That one will get you there. Um, and then it's also really close to Gent, Brussels Am Twerp and Amsterdam, which is of course why we chose Lil. So really nice home base. If you have a car and we had parking adventures, we should take a moment to breathes. Been a lot.

Aimee:

Yeah. So I, the, the way you're describing where it's close to, I am imagining you are in the Northeast of France.

Rebecca West:

Yeah, the, it's really more the north, north of France.'cause the Northeast is pretty coasty and this is very much on the border with, um, Belgium. But Kle is on the beach, so that's where the beach diagonal starts, which forms the East coast.

Aimee:

Okay.

Rebecca West:

Yeah, and we're only about two and a half hour drive from Paris, so it's actually very close and close by train as well. Okay. What do I need to tell you next? Oh, if, yeah. This won't work everywhere because after I discovered it, I looked for it in Bridge and Kelly and it didn't work there. But here in Lil, I found that the app, Zen Park. Is phenomenal. Do you know this one, Amy?

Aimee:

I've never heard of it.

Rebecca West:

So this one we were trying to find a parking, a public parking garage and we, and we kept just pulling up to what was obviously driveways like to a, to a garage, but it's clearly not a public parking garage. After that happened a couple times and Damien stopped thinking that I was trying to deliberately sabotage him. Then I looked up the sign that was this tiny little sign that was by one of them, and it said Zen Park. And it turns out that it's sort of like the Airbnb of parking, and these are rented out spots within private parking garages that people aren't using.

Aimee:

Oh wow.

Rebecca West:

Yeah. And so it turns out I was able to download this app and pick my garage and my phone becomes the remote. I type it or I push a button and the door magically opens and we can park. There's a second part to the story. Do not let me forget it. And then you're in a secure parking garage. It's so easy. And it cost us 75 bucks for the month. Phenomenal.

Aimee:

That's great.

Rebecca West:

And regular parking would've cost us almost 200.

Aimee:

Right.

Rebecca West:

Now

Aimee:

of the story.

Rebecca West:

if you do this, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll give you the spoiler first. Even though the app kind of didn't give clear instructions on this, it is clear once you go back and look at the tiny, tiny words, you can't just park anywhere in the garage, which in retrospect seems really obvious. You need to look for the small Zen Park signs, which will, which labeled maybe five spots in this whole garage. We didn't know that, and so we parked our cute little car. We were avoiding those signs because we thought those ones meant. Those spots were claimed.

Aimee:

Oh.

Rebecca West:

So on the Zen Park app, you get two free days if you choose the monthly option, and then it starts charging you on the third day. Damien goes, I think we should just go check on the car. And I said, that's a good idea. So we do. And lo and behold, there is a note on our car. Of course, it's in French with a phone number. This note says, and okay, first of all, you guys, I don't like. Confrontation. And so when a moment like this happens, I, my whole body turns into a nervous chihuahua and I literally start shaking. It's obnoxious. I hate it about myself. So now I'm holding this little french note, gearing up psychologically for whatever this confrontation's gonna be. And it says in French something to the effect of, I've left you my number, and it was two notes. I think he left the number the day before I left you my number. I'm gonna call the police if you don't call me. No details, of course. Just a threatening note. Fun can't a foreign language, so Damian hands me the phone and he is totally, totally, he totally does a, not me. He hands

Aimee:

can't believe he threw you under the bus like that. When you're standing there shaking like a frigid chihuahua, why would he do that to you?

Rebecca West:

Because this is just my like visceral response. I do not let that stop me from doing what needs to be done. If I did, I would never get anything done.

Aimee:

okay. So your brain doesn't short circuit. In that moment either. Oh, okay.

Rebecca West:

It's the same way I cry when I'm angry. I'm still having coherent thoughts, but I look like I'm losing it. It's so annoying. I wish I could compartmentalize. That's that skill that you have.

Aimee:

yeah, yeah. Well I didn't always have it and when I was younger and I would, you know, get caught doing some kind of. Sin because I didn't know any better. Um, you know, in addition to like the shaking or simply freezing, like my brain totally shuts off

Rebecca West:

Oh yeah. Luckily that does not happen.

Aimee:

and and, the, the priority is get out of the situation without escalating. And so it, it's basically like, shut down, retract,

Rebecca West:

Interesting.

Aimee:

hide until you get very, like very. Very much prey energy. So I don't, I don't think in those situations and it's, it's only through to some degree the exposure therapy of life and, and some, some cognitive behavioral therapy that, that it's, uh, shifted for me and now I just overreact and compartmentalize and disassociate, which is so much better. Folks.

Rebecca West:

Okay, we all have our coping mechanisms, but it is interesting to hear your perspective on that because I think we all, I mean, I think we obviously all only know our own reality and so we assume that people are either the same as us, um, and it's normal, or we assume that nobody's like us and we're weird, and neither one actually makes us feel better.

Aimee:

Yeah. And neither one is true.

Rebecca West:

And neither one is true, but I am, I, I would say I'm actually at my best when needs must. You know, if it needs to get done, I'm great in the crisis. If I can get out of it,'cause somebody else is stepping up to the plate, great. But frequently people don't, and I'm, I will absolutely step in and be like, all right, let's get this done. So I take the French phone number. And I did need help Da Damien's help dialing it because I couldn't figure that part out. We need a great team. I called this number and of course I get a voicemail, so I leave a halting voicemail in French that I'm pretty sure was relatively coherent. Not 30 seconds later, Damien's repar the car at least to deal with that.

Aimee:

Yeah.

Rebecca West:

The phone rings and so the chihuahua comes back and I'm like. Oh, and I think that was a funny moment too, because again, Damien hands the phone to me like a hot potato, and he said afterwards, he's like, I couldn't even think of Bonjour. So I'm like, oh, I guess I'm not as bad as I could be. Turns out the lady starts going, you know, why did you call me? Not, not aggressively, but just sincerely. Why did you call me? And I'm like, well, I'm the one, we have the car that you left the note on. I'm using my French. Oh, I did start by saying, par, do you speak English? And she said no. Which side note, that's why we came here. We wanted to come to a place where English wasn't as prevalent so that Damien would go back to school with some French under his belt again,

Aimee:

That makes sense.

Rebecca West:

and it's working better than we hoped. So speaking of which, um. To sum this up, we're pretty sure that her husband left a note. She had no idea this had happened. And I said, don't worry, we're moving the car. She's like, that's very nice. And you know, I said, we'll figure this out. We hung up and then. We walked away and then we suddenly had the light bulb moment. We went, oh, we need to park where the signs are, not where they're not. We we're walking back, she calls us again. Damian hands me the phone.'cause obviously now it's my job.

Aimee:

Yeah.

Rebecca West:

And she, again, this is me trying to understand French, but my understanding is she was saying, I am so sorry that we. You know, basically ruined your vacation. You didn't need this. She was like, Zu, which is kisses in, in, in

Aimee:

Aw.

Rebecca West:

and I was so thrilled to have had the courage to make a phone call, answer the phone in French, figure out zen parking that I was just like, ah, P sip palm problem, like or al problem. I was, I was literally giddy because I, I was so proud of myself. I'm pretty sure she thought I was insane. But it ended well and we've checked on the car a few more times and driven it in and out to these, uh, destinations. And all's well that ends well.

Aimee:

Amazing. That's great. And kudos to you for taking the helm on the phone,

Rebecca West:

Oh, I didn't want to.

Aimee:

I hate phone calls. Oh, I would just, I would be like texting the number first. It'd be like, well, sure I have the car. I found this note with your number.

Rebecca West:

yeah, you know, first it didn't even occur to me to do that, but I think it's partly because this probably goes back to owning a business and training business owners and training team members. There are certain moments where. You will deescalate better by trying to be as human as you can and tone of voice and urgency and clearly not hiding will get you even further than comprehension.

Aimee:

Well, and, and there's also an element of compassion when, you know, you would attempt to speak the language and it's clear this person does not, you know, quotate quotations belong to this country. Um,

Rebecca West:

has, you know, we go back to breaking up with people by text and stuff, and it's, it's a very, it is a non courageous move and there

Aimee:

I am a non courageous. I am a non courageous person when it comes to speaking on the phone.

Rebecca West:

I'm from Seattle. I'm as passive aggressive as it gets, but not when it will injure me. Okay, so that was parking. Um,

Aimee:

How long have you been in Lil?

Rebecca West:

we have been here since the 1st of August, 2nd of August, so 10 days. We'll be here another six or seven before Amsterdam Adventure. Um. Wifi has been great everywhere. I have been able to run my classes, have my client meetings without a hiccup ever. That was one of my biggest worries when we were moving here and I was planning to do this and we are definitely testing the system it's great. The new, the new world, the post COVID world definitely has that advantage for us Digital nomads. You know, it's funny, I did this. One of my best Instagram posts so far in terms of people enjoying it was my 4th of July post. It's a Happy Birthday to America Post and it's very patriotic and I find it very funny that given all the adventures I'm on and stuff that I'm doing, that's one of my most beloved posts.

Aimee:

Yeah.

Rebecca West:

And but then you tell me stories like that or I hear some of the healthcare bills and various things that happen and it keeps reminding me that. While, while living here, I almost am constantly kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for the wifi to be bad, or I'm waiting for the healthcare system to not be as good here as we were promised and hoped. And it just, and I don't wanna say this in a way that slams the United States because I remain grateful to be from the United States. A big part of why I can do what I'm doing right now is because I was born there to the people I was born to and all the things that

Aimee:

And you still have a bit a US based business, which allows you. To do what you're doing.

Rebecca West:

it is hard to be an entrepreneur elsewhere in the

Aimee:

Yes, it is. That is the huge advantage of the states that I'm, you know, taking away from the experience of leaving is just how difficult other countries make it for you to be successful and independent. Um,

Rebecca West:

and it's, it's just two sides of a coin. Of course. You don't focus on independence in a society where you take care of each other and you get responsibility for each other. You, I don't know if you can have it both ways.

Aimee:

Of course you can.

Rebecca West:

But we definitely wanna give credit where credit's due. Having said that, we have some messed up garbage in our country and we owe it to ourselves to fix it, but I'm not there, so it's up to all y'all. Good luck.

Aimee:

You sound like me. I'm like the

Rebecca West:

except for you're there now.

Aimee:

Yeah, I know, I know, I know. But, but in, in like the years that, the year decades really, that I was, you know, talking about wanting to leave and preparing to leave, um, you know, my, my mantra has always been I'm on the Titanic and I'm not gonna be the one with the tiny violin playing as it goes down. That's not my personality, that's not my style. I'm not that patriotic. I think because I am the child of an immigrant, for me leaving has never felt like an insurmountable, difficult thing, regardless of how much money I've had or not had because my dad came to the States when he was 15. He saved up money for months and months to hire a coyote to come across. He, you know, like he's, gosh, he was telling me some stories about, about, like what I found out he was deported a couple times when he was Yeah. I had no idea when he, yeah, it was when he was, you know, still a teenager. Um. There was one time that, you know, he, he got caught without papers and spent I think like three or four days in a couple of jails in California before he was bused down. And they basically just like take you to Tijuana and open the door and let you out and you're on your own. And he didn't have any money. He just had the clothes on his back and he didn't have a place to stay or anything and he didn't know how he was gonna get home. Right. And, you know, he ended up finding a way home. Um, because,'cause you know, Tijuana was a lot smaller back then in the Latin community, is a Latin community. So he ended up finding people he knew and slept on, I think, the floor of a billiard hall for a while until he was able to get home. Um, and then just, you know, did what he could to get back to the states again. So, you know, I hear. I hear stories like that and I'm like, well, there's no, I think in, in some ways we're, we're so accustomed to having so much, and we're so limited in our thinking of how much mobility and ability that we have to create something different for ourselves. And as I say that, there's a little voice in my head that's saying yes, and you can create that different life for yourself from within these borders too, if you choose. Right.

Rebecca West:

Well, yeah. We all have agency to make a change in our life.

Aimee:

Yeah.

Rebecca West:

And ev and each chapter of our life, that means something different in terms of your financial resources, your family commitments, your own personal health, and what, what that will afford you. And not to mention the broader economy of the world and geo geopolitics of it, but I actually find what you're saying really interesting because I remember, gosh, episodes ago, it was a pretty early one, I was feeling. It was right after I moved and I was feeling like, you know, anybody could do this. And I really wanted people to know that. And I remember you saying, well, I don't know if that's true, because obviously we've also talked about how this is really kind of expensive and there's so many unexpected costs. But I, I stand by my original saying, I don't know that everybody can move to Paris. Even not every French person can move to Paris. It's an expensive city. Everybody can change their life

Aimee:

Yeah.

Rebecca West:

now.

Aimee:

Absolutely. I think, I think the, the fear of the change creates the story that we can't do it right. I can't quit my job. I can't. I can't get out of this situation because it, it requires this thing to change and, and it becomes a kind of, it becomes a binary. It's this or that, but there are so many more possibilities in the world than this. Or if, you know, if leaving, I mean, people get to Europe by boat, across waters from Africa every single day. Some of them don't make it. I mean, these are people who don't have an abundance of resources that are looking to get to Europe. And it's, it's, um, I mean, if you want to do it while maintaining your lifestyle via legal means, then yeah, that might be more challenging. But, but to, to blanketly say I can't do it, that's not possible for me. Is, is a blanketly. It slams down all possibilities when you state something that absolutely like that. And it was actually,

Rebecca West:

other people agency over your life, your leg. Other things other decide for you, you're giving them that power.

Aimee:

Right. Well, I think for, for many people that may be more, that may feel more comfortable and safe

Rebecca West:

It is frequently an excuse, yes.

Aimee:

Then taking, then taking the helm and risking it not working out right, because that can, that can, that can feel like a catastrophe, because of our perception of failure and what that means. Um,

Rebecca West:

want the thing that you're scared of more than the fear. You know when when Damien asked me to marry him, I. I was terrified of getting married again and failing again because it was really embarrassing to me to get divorced the first time. Like I'm, I'm good at things, I'm an A student and so even that's a silly way to look at failing at marriage. That's what it felt like to me. Like I messed up'cause I didn't succeed. But once you know Damien. Wooed me for two years. We may have met in dancing, but that man worked hard long after I left that career for us to be together. And ultimately, I looked at him and I went, I am more afraid of not having him in my life and being mad at myself for not trying than I am at failing at this second round.

Aimee:

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, that's, that's usually how my life is run too. The, the fear of missing out is often for me, bigger than the fear of trying and not having it work out. The not knowing whether or not it could have worked would like eat me, and I hate that feeling. And I think I've been, you know, kicked around by life enough that I'm like, uh, you know. F it up, you'll, you'll survive.

Rebecca West:

Well, that's the beauty of nearly being 50, is you do have wisdom and perspective, and you do realize that even life's biggest earthquakes pass, you know, time literally does heal all wounds, even though when you're in the middle of the moment, it doesn't feel like it will.

Aimee:

I maintain that if something happens to, to my partner or my kid, I don't know that I'll be able to recover from that. But outside of that, I feel,

Rebecca West:

also depends on what we consider recovering. You can live

Aimee:

I mean, survival. I mean survival.

Rebecca West:

And we don't know. And may we never find out. Right.

Aimee:

Yeah.

Rebecca West:

are all stronger than we actually give ourselves credit for, and most of us aren't actually facing the loss of a child. We're facing the loss of a paycheck for a while, and the gamble that that might mean in us pursuing a dream.

Aimee:

I think I, I wanna wrap this up by just kind of stating to the listener if you. Listen to this podcast with this kind of dream of leaving the US or wherever country you're from, or even just taking a long-term sabbatical to travel, but you have that voice that says you can't do it. I encourage you to reframe that statement to the question of how can I. Because when you create an open-ended question, like, how can I make it possible for me to live abroad? Your brain starts to find the ways that already exist around you. The means to find the ways that you don't know about. So that it can become possible. When you say that's not possible, your brain doesn't have that openness to explore the environment and find the answers. And this applies, you know, this is something I tell my clients all the time. So it applies to everything. It applies to health issues, it applies to finding a job that applies to, you know, whatever it is that, that you're seeking or that you desire, but you feel you can't. Obtain is to reformulate the question to how can I, and then miracles literally start to happen.

Rebecca West:

Couldn't have said it better. I have no notes

Aimee:

Oh my gosh, I forgot my Spanish.

Speaker 2:

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Banla. If you did, the best thing you can do is share it with another person, brave enough to move abroad. See you next time.