Bonjhola

EP 95: Aimee's Awful Choice and Rebecca's Offal Choice

• Rebecca West

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Speaker

Welcome to Bon Jola, a podcast about two women, Amy and Rebecca, who each move from the United States to Europe to become expats. Amy to Spain and Rebecca to France. We're here to share the highs, the lows, and the logistics of this adventure. Encourage you to follow your own, move abroad dreams, and remind you that you're not alone when the going gets tough. Enjoy.

Rebecca

Banla, Amy, I think it's time to update our listeners on your future plans.

Aimee

Yes, yes. So we dropped a bomb, uh, several episodes ago that, we were reconsidering the move just due with, due to the completely erratic and in unstable geopolitical situation that, our birth country is. Instigating, to put it delicately. it just had me reconsidering if this is really, does it have to be right now? Does it have to be right now? And, after I, you know, I sat with that. I did go back to the States for a visit and did receive the confirmation I was looking for that, that no, this does actually need to happen now is gonna be the best time. and I just have to trust that whatever damages are done in the next three years will not be so horrific that I can't come back to Europe later.

Rebecca

When you say damages, you mean like international relations that might keep you from being able to come back as

Aimee

Yeah, international relations, uh, wars, you know, I don't know. I don't know. The, the possibilities are endless of what could happen.

Rebecca

Yeah.

Aimee

you know, whatever does, does happen. Hopefully it's something that we can recover from, or at least, well, I guess ultimately I do have the fortune of not just being limited to an American passport because I have the ability to get a Mexican passport. And that was something that we also did. We did, uh, reach out to our lawyer and talked with her, about this, and she did confirm

Rebecca

And this was your Spanish immigration lawyer. Okay.

Aimee

yes, our Spanish immigration lawyer yes, reached out to her and she did confirm that. If we break up the three years of the five-year visa, and we're gone for a period of time when we come back, we will have to start from scratch all over again. And it doesn't carry, it's not like we get to put that in a little time accrued account that we can draw upon later and use. It's like, nope, sorry. That's that. However, the other thing that we discovered, which. Did not realize before is that we have, so our current Visa expires in October and we have probably about three months after that expiration to. Renew the visa process for the additional two years before that window closes. So if we move to the United States this summer, and it becomes very evident very quickly that this is a horrific mistake that we have made, we do actually have until likely January of 2027 to come back. And have our lawyer help us patch up and continue on with a, the additional two year visa

Rebecca

But that would, you'd have to come back first to restart this whole thing.

Aimee

Yeah, probably so. I wouldn't, I wouldn't wanna do it from the states simply because it's easier to get the visa from here than it is from the US because here you bypass the consulate. And the Spanish consulates in the United States vary wildly between what they want you to do, it's just, it's a crapshoot and it's much easier and more effective to apply from within Spain than from outside of Spain if you have that opportunity. So we will be leaving at the end of June. And I cannot pretend. I am not really fucking depressed about it. And I'm really having a hard time doing the things that need to be done to make that happen. Because every emotional part of me is like, no, I don't want to. .But the logical part of me knows that if I pretend that reality is not reality future, Amy's gonna be really pissed off at present, Amy. Like, I just need to put on my big girl undies and do what is going to make my life easier when I'm 50 or whatever, and just hope I can get back here and I'm not too old or too unattractive to the Spanish government that they wouldn't want me back. So, I mean, unattractive from like a, you are a decrepit old woman who will be a drain on our resources. Not like, oh God, we don't let ugly people in our country. that would be

Rebecca

that what you meant, but it funny.

Aimee

That would be the fine print in the French Visa application process. If you do not dress respectively and do not keep your self well groomed. You may not enter our border.

Rebecca

Yeah, I could see the French putting that in.

Aimee

So the plan is, while stateside working to get my Mexican passport and doing that for my son as well. So at least two thirds of us have that taken care of. and then, you know, I mean, Shane and I have. Conversation still to have about what, with regards to his passport, um, in his, you know, Mexican citizenship. If, if that's something he wants to pursue or if he wants to just ride on my coattails as the partner of a Mexican. 'cause that is also a possibility. then we talked to our lawyer about, you know, the differences between that. And it doesn't sound like it's sort of like whatever.

Rebecca

I mean, really all this, all of this is just another leap of faith. It's, it's making a decision knowing that we don't have any control over the actual outcome, no matter what we want. And, you know, you should feel really proud of yourself for being brave enough to do the right thing, even if it's not the thing you. Emotionally want. It's not the sugar that you would want in your life. It's the vegetable maybe.

Aimee

No, no, it is not the vegetable. It is the, it is the Vegetables are lovely. They would never do this to you. Vegetables would never do this to you. Uh. It's the, uh, I don't know. It, it feels, it feels like the, oh God. Oh. For those of you who were born before 1995, you may remember banana flavored penicillin. That's what this shit is.

Rebecca

It's not No, I, I don't even remember that.

Aimee

Oh, nasty. Nasty. Banana flavored penicillin was a thing in the eighties. I think you had the choice of like bubblegum flavored or banana flavored for some reason. I always ended up with banana flavored and artificial banana flavor may be better now than it was in the eighties. But banana flavored penicillin was so horrific 40 years ago that I haven't tried anything banana flavored since perhaps 1989.

Rebecca

That's actually funny only because one of Damien's favorite flavors is banana flavor

Aimee

God, that man is disgusting.

Rebecca

so much for eating at his restaurant. Um, speaking of restaurants and really weird things, did I tell you about the restaurant we went to near the end of our time in Paris that specialized in the, um, the awful parts of animals?

Aimee

No, no,

Rebecca

Did. Yeah,

Aimee

no. I love those bits.

Rebecca

I like some of those bits. Uh, and I was proud of myself for choosing that restaurant 'cause I was offered three restaurants and I went for the one that was most adventurous that I would not normally choose. So I was proud of myself and I tried for the first, and I, I'm gonna go with last time, um, I tried calves brains.

Aimee

Oh yeah, that's bold. 'cause that's a texture thing that's really.

Rebecca

It wasn't the te, I mean the texture's weird. It's kind of too delicate, too light. It's not okay, but the part that's not okay for me, I'm, I'm glad I did it. 'cause I want to say, I'll try anything, almost anything once, but it just doesn't feel okay to eat somebody else's brains.

Aimee

I thought you loved zombies and the whole zombie genre.

Rebecca

I do, and maybe that's why I don't think one should eat brains, because I've watched a lot of zombie movies. It doesn't turn out well.

Aimee

They are very rich in healthy fats, and they are superb for all of the little bits and pieces of our bodies that need essential fats. So

Rebecca

I'm all for eating to, you know, tip to tail. I, I, I like low waist and I know that, you know, like the liver and the kidneys and all these parts have really important nutrients.

Aimee

That's why, that's the only reason why I'm so excited about organ meats is the, the nutrition in them is off the charts

Rebecca

And well done. Liver, well done, pate. Well done. what's the, oh, I've had really good blood sausage so I can do it. I mean, my brain is still like, Ew. 'cause I, yeah, I was born and raised American, but if I stopped thinking about it, it's actually good food, but I Uhuh. Mm-hmm. No. Mm-hmm. Brains are. Strains are a no.

Aimee

I have a hard time with kidneys, but I haven't found a way to process them so that they don't taste like they have filtered urine through them, and that's.

Rebecca

thing too, it's like I know how these organs were used. Ew.

Aimee

Yeah, I don't, you know, I don't mind, I don't mind that part. 'cause for me, when I look at the nutrient density of the food and I look at how much of so many different nutrients are in these foods, it feels like I am sitting in front of a plate with lots of precious gems. When the standard fair is like a bunch of jewelry from Claire's and I don't care if those precious gems were shit out of a pig. They are precious gems and I am super excited to have them.

Rebecca

I, I do agree with you. It's just, and it's just a mental block.

Aimee

Yeah, yeah, totally. But when, yeah, when you look at it from the function of the nutrients that you're getting and how accessible they are and how potent they are, it's just, I, I get so thrilled by organ meats whenever I come across them. I'm super, super excited.

Rebecca

Well the next time you're in Paris, remind me to look up where we ate so that you can go enjoy. 'cause they, they, they were renowned for doing it. It is what that restaurant does and they do it extremely well.

Aimee

Amazing. Actually, I would love it if you could tell me, if you could tell me the name, 'cause then it would be recorded here because our listeners may be going to Paris as well. Some of them may be adventurous eaters.

Rebecca

All right.. So, um, they call that the, the awful BATS, it looks like, like, like you're eating bats. Mm-hmm. And the restaurant is called, um. Restaurant ubon is what it looks like. Obviously that's not proper French pronunciation, but it's Q-U-E-D-U-B-O-N, one word, ubon, and um, it was outstanding. It's in the 19th, so it's not in the normal tourist areas. It's actually normal. People live easy to get to 'cause metro. But yeah, it was worth going to. I'm very glad I did it. And if you can stomach brains, the lemon sauce that they came in was amazing. Yeah,

Aimee

Okay.

Rebecca

there you go.

Aimee

There we go folks, if you wanna try, life is a zombie for one meal.

Rebecca

And.

Aimee

have found the place for you to go.

Rebecca

And apparently fill your nutritional buffet.

Aimee

Very true, very true.

Rebecca

Is there anything else they should know about your decisions about moving back?

Aimee

Um, I don't know. I mean, it is what it is and yeah, I don't, I mean, I.

Rebecca

what would you tell somebody else who has to make a decision to to leave?

Aimee

I make my decisions based on what I am more likely to regret, and in this situation, I know that if I dig in my heels and stay here because that is what I want. And I would even say emotionally, I need for my happiness in my life, there will come a point in time where I will regret doing that because I will have missed an opportunity to learn how to basically handle an estate. That will be my responsibility. I have been deemed the one who has to take care of this. I will have missed an opportunity to learn how to navigate that in a manner that preserves the life's work of someone that I care for. And. At the end of the day, Europe will be here. Whether or not I get to live in Europe, Europe will be here. People are not here forever. So if I look at the future, the biggest regret I would have would be. Being selfish today versus being selfish with tomorrow in mind. Because both of these are selfish choices, honestly. Like people keep trying to put this like, oh, you're such a good person to do this. Or, oh, you, you know, not everybody would be willing to. Like sacrifice everything that you've worked so hard for, for this, that, or the other. I'm like, this is not out of altruism at all. This is me protecting my future self from probably having like a massive nervous breakdown because I'm going to be dealing with like a re, I'm gonna be dealing with stuff that I'm not willing to talk about, you know, publicly That is that I'm ill-equipped to handle. At this stage of my life and will not be equipped to handle in any way, shape, or form if I don't just go in and learn it. So it's not, it's just as selfish for me to go back as it is to this day.

Rebecca

Yeah, I mean, I guess the equivalent would be if you knew 10 years from now that you were gonna have to lift your car off of a burning child, well, you need right now to start building the muscles for it, because otherwise you won't be ready for that moment. That seems kind of what the equivalent here is. It's like I'm gonna need some skills down the road, but I don't currently have, and if I don't deal with getting them, I'm gonna be real mad at myself later.

Aimee

That's a really good way of putting it. Yeah, I think that is an apt analogy. and I had mentioned too, you know, in that episode I had mentioned that my, my kid was waffling a little bit and he was wanting to stay here. And while I was in the states, my partner, Shayna told me, well, he's, you know, he's changing his mind. He is back and forth about it. So I think like all of us, it's, it's just kind of a mixed bag for him. there are some things that he thinks will, he will have living in the United States that feel a little bit delusional, but I'm not going to. Correct him in his delusions because there's no, that doesn't serve any purpose. Right? He'll, he'll realize what it'll be. Whatever experience he has will be his experience regardless of what I say. So, the fact that he still is not adamantly against it, he's not devastated that we're moving back, means that I get to be devastated and I can be in that place for myself and not have to show up as. The chipper, cheerful parent who's like, this is gonna be great. I mean, I can just be stoic about it. I'm not, I'm not weeping in front of him or anything. I do that by myself or in the shower. But, I mean, everybody does right.

Rebecca

Oh yeah. But I am glad that you found out that there's this cushion of time after the October expiration, because that's enough time for him to get into the school system, and I think that's one of the biggest unknowns. And so to have that bit of time where he can get in. And you'll know if it was an absolute instant disaster, which happened to me in fifth grade. When I tried to move my mom, we knew very quickly that because of, because of my schoolmates, basically I was getting bullied. It wasn't going to work, and we had to make some really hard decisions, but it was very clear, very quickly. And so I love that you have that cushion where you can be like, oh, this isn't good for him. We're outta here.

Aimee

Yeah, yeah.

Rebecca

That's good. Well, we're all cheering you on. You know that.

Aimee

Thanks. So let's wrap it up.

Rebecca

Okay. Well, that's all there is for today, guys. Sometimes we have to make hard decisions. we'll see what happens next time we're recording.

Aimee

We'll talk about something more fun. That's what we'll do.

Rebecca

yes, hopefully by then I'll have dipped my toes into the Mediterranean.

Aimee

Yes.

Speaker 2

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Banla. If you did, the best thing you can do is share it with another person, brave enough to move abroad. See you next time.